My desi Gal My desi Gal

I suppose this song is making me mad every time i listen i am listenign to it. this was the song i hated most and dono what practice it can be called. if u dont like anythig more, the more u r exposed to it, after sometime you get mad about that(kinda typical telugu films for starter heroes and all.
Been like a Back to square one position and its more than comforting that i am starting to think about my priorities and people who r laughing behind the curtains(Its the comparison given by Osho), I think i could not be in a worst sitution than this adn perhaps the wild part of getitng out.experimenting from home tuitions to seeing flop movies like the one of allari naresh came.. blade babji and dongalabandi, guitar ambition and seeing insane movies english and playing core shuttle and trying to apply my mind for possibly every shot i try to play. eating all food( The kinda vareities that are not allowed also) and at the end of the day reporting to my reporting officer..(my blog).
There were many places this time i had chance to go this time. seeing surya s\o krishnan in sort of theatre,(yuck screen 5 in prasads. its was like a stage for some item essay writing competition). That film was like unimaginable. The only thing i liked in the entire movie was the guitar part and nothign else. simran in those contrasting salwars. This guy surya is crazy he is worse than me. he goes all the way to Berkley university to see Sameera Reddy and then she dies in a blast for the project she was doing in FBI office. she was get exxagerating results of 99% avg anta and then suddenly he comes back. Go to kashmir. do something else. miitants and all.getting some award and suddenly out of thin air while eating tiifin one day he gets idea that he wants to go into Army katham he becomes army and then the purpose of the next heroine is solved. all looked so so so silly to me. Surya is not been utilized properly according to the talent he has. and He is crying all through the film and the mood is dull when a person liek surya cries almost like periodically for every 5 min..
Apart from this, had been to sirisha's birthday party. have been speaking about couples & love and silly topics like is egg veg or non-veg. almost didnt think of any stupid that day. atlast i got the book fountain head of Ayn rand to go thru what was in that..Listening to a song from swades. Yeh jo des hain mera.. Wah somewhere it has a soothing effect on me and i get so happy and suddenly varsha keeps dar e disco. How cud shahrukh Khan do swades and again Om Shanti Om. looked like oxymoron.
Was talking about a virtual Character called 'X' who i supposed to be almost equivalent to GOD who planned such an excellent, well-planned conspiracy of the financial breakdown that royally and professionally he has affected CEOs, banks, people need of funding for MS, Software solution(who depend on projects), and me. I cant imagine the planning and the effect he might have thought while doing such a step and they still say its going to turn worse than now in the coming times. I suppose i remember a person like THE JOKER in the picture who are in the clan who jus like the world burning and nothign else..
The only thing i think now is like a typical lakshya dialogue"Main Akela Army mein kya karoonga" and now is a task where i shud be alone enka. I was inspired lot by John Miller frm Saving Private Ryan. God, Tom Hanks can express feelings that i cant even imagine sometimes. and in the next moment a film like Death Race comes out with modern day swift and core action and the concept of the racing and all using sophisticated machinery and all with great music behind. Saw a film called rab ne banadi jodi. aemo i felt filmy, but music was good.
Enuf of Filmy buzz, been listenign to the songs from Simon and Garfunkel , quite an old album. constant chants of the CORRS- unplugged shows in MTV and then again the The Man who sold his world - Niravana.. I seriously think sometimes i am too lost in my life or may be i was in some bad waters on my route towards a place that wud perhaps be liek a perfect place for evrybody. Perhaps for everybody i think there are certain constraints for anythign perfect, perfect boy\girl, perfect place for work, perfect movie, perfect song. perfect shot, perfect food, perfect behaviour... Well this is what is the making of a perfect person is..

Instant Enlightment

I suppose this is the fastest feeling i have got to tell back that i have got enlightened that probably i am in a position to be authoritative an slash anybody who is showing pity on me perhaps that i am not getting the treatment they are getting.. Like some say to me i still not shy to say i am still enjoyin and no depression and am ready to defend anythign that comes to me and perhaps i still think i am still in the same status that i was two or three blogs before with those guitar solos and the School of the Rock mood.. thinking like Jack blak in most of the situations. I still think its not a lost cause at all and things are made worse to get reapired better and i still think with the little brain i have i can be happy and get a job that is befitting to the things i know. so there is absouletely nothing to worry that things are out due to recession and i have my support to take any decision and thts the biggest suport and i need nobody support almost. i have a dad who smmiles while i sleep when he leaves. my mom wakes me with a call that nobody can jus neglect. then some people who keep hell lot of contact literally every min sometimes when i need support from eating to movies and then for shuttle people like raghu shitler lucky santosh pk all the olympic champions and national champions, babby and the typical hello sir hello sir thing with satish having that kiss drop shot and seeing prem shouting and hitting incredible smashes. abhi and federrer trying out best. kishore somtimes surprising me with unexpected shots. after play a gang of four in front of HIMALAYA Bakers. that fellow remembers my face. the same order, cococola for me. icecream+coke for shitler. mazaa for raghu and puff for KK. then talk starts from cartoons to movies to dialogues to everything and then santosh comes back and everybody starts to tease olympic champions and then time to go. I cant expect much better day like this , with my cell phone buzzing always with 100 msgs a day. with surprise messages from bunty and all.. Its waste sparing time for anybody except me.
Chat with invisible people for some time and THEONLYONE_ADVAIT starting the show like the right here right now show with rap lyrics and making the talk so crisp like we discuss evrything and then at 11 sharp i get a call from sharat and his talk abt all and me and how sometimes things change and all. Lots of oxymoron talk from shitler and phone buzzez till 1 in the night and then get a messgage" YA GOODNIGHT. ", feel terribly sleepy. think of all possible matrix shots in shuttle and sleep. Never remember any dream. wake up with a got up or still sleeping eh?
Do i need anythign more than this...?

Amusingly Serious

Ha one more into the Oxymoron Series.. Its now like a integrated part of my daily life and perhaps i dono i should be able to perceive why its happening like that or its jus that i have to accept it as a part of my life's order. Dono whenever things happen to me that i have perhaps never thought of or atleast expected of, i think that this is the worst that could happen to me and then something more worse comes by as if somebody is breaking world record in a 100 metres sprint. the better it becomes, the faster it is bettered. Especially after raghu was telling that there wud be no openigns and all. I suddenly imagined myself in a state in my 4/1 and thought i had made a comprimise for CTS too much and was too egoistic not to even use the oppurtunities i cud have atleast tried for and the sad part is whenever i need support, everybody starts to get busy or unwell or something else. i realized i had to face all myself. sometimes i do fall prey to my habits like callin people whom i should not and then get the heat. I have a frame of mind and they have another.. getting scolded everytime i think they can help me out. I am thankful to everyone who is teaching me how to face myself, now that its sure i am going out and not going to work here anymore.
Things apart from this, there has been quite a lot things going on mind abt registering on naukri.com and bullshit that i could not have imagined an year back.I know exactly where i was one year back.. and the things whom i jus skipped because i dint wanna lose that enjoyment and perhaps paying me off. perhaps when i go to adyar, i might get my mind right..esp after some greivances abt finance. i thought i must sit in a room get myself locked up and throw the key somewhere(this was my frnds idea,not mine).
i suddenly come to a position where i need to think from a very basic point of view where things need lot of work to get finished like starting up with a ppt or thinking abt how to prepare for a talk. I have been reading freedom of mind by J.krishnamurty and the only idea that striked me was a two letter idea-"LET GO".Its like the password for everypossible question we can ask. starting frm what shoudl i do and its seriousness quotient and i think thts the best answer. job, friend, phone, job, play, work anything when u have a problem. only one answer. He also continues to say that One is survviving rather than living and the converse is what must be happenign. I have been watching movies almost out of no interest and am not able to have the feeling of a movie-buff anymore. call it saturation or anything. I was sorry for many wrong perceptions and huge dissapointments. Its jus making me like stolid for anythign that might happen to me. be it my close friends birthday or the music i was waiting for or playing shuttle with people who play better than me but i occasionally win overthem. I have been overtaken by fear. not to go alone,not to talk abt me, not to do anythign alone and going along with the flock.
Been listenign to some song from a movie called Chandni Chowk to china and some from Ghajini(Hindi). I have perhaps lost that desperation for the Job and the people i thought who wud help me out. after the day appa told i thought its was not partly conicidence and providence that people become independent in the positive sense and selfish in the other sense, though not asking like the typical way( I was there for u and why u not for me)..
Its been quite a time me giving solos of socha hai song in tha baathroom and perhaps when i do that its jus means thinga are gettig on track..
I wud like to tel an adult adage..
Success kisses u in private, failure !@#$% in public..

almost ready i jus hope

The day raghu said" naana shivaji happy daus are up.." i thought somthign else. CTS calling him and somebody also. i thought mera number aaneey vaala hai and then its jus time i was happy sort of not getting with them. be it academic reasons or any other also. i jus think things are jus happening the way i wanted and delay is good to get better people around me. i dont want to get intimidated by anybody anymore and its jus that i had a good day ragging raghu with all those happy days chores me lucky pk and aditya near the regular satya market adda and i thought never ever again we would meet again like that particularly with that frame of the mind and i thought, the days are up. the other day when lucky was saying no more shuttle and he being left out and no more sessions in the shop.l no more analysis abt the play with and by raghu and no movies to go on weekends. most imporatnt cant get up at 10 daily like the earlier blog and almost fot the next 20 odd years.get into a frame that doesnot make me to think everything different other than my work and all shit. i perhaps might be thinking i woudl be getting my call near and i thought not to feel i dint do anythign .. experiment i suppose on anythingi want to. cooking dancing guitar shuttle solo singing classical concerts walking radio and all except things that might be in the schedule of CTS and for sure no professional !@#$ attitude out of my @$#, sure!! kinda busy or telling some make belive stories and all.. i suppose its time they get a taste of a good neat gentlemen proffesionalism from me..i really miss my rock on solo alone and many other things.. been thinking to do anythign and i wanna do with utmost enjoyment..called it hyper or anything else also.. i have been a reading a book holy christ holy grail.. lol and then talking literallly too much to some new friends and i think its us like my reaction to every situation to a guitar solo and every minute is now running and to all those who think i am showing attitude , i am doing what they are thinking..
things apart, i jus got my spy(raghu) now for me to get ready to join CTS and in much comfortablenow that i am jus ready to join there with no tensions and twists and all. good for me i suppose.. i have been literally closing my eyes and singing that song from rock on with so much imagination in my mind abt with the guitar. its almost undescribable..the heights i reach to while there is a solo for guitar.. nothign this time to write. this time. wil come back for sure..

rock on rock on thts it.. no words.. experience is like dumbman tasting honey..