Welcome to city of the reality, Welcome to the city of difference and its truly distinct style of teaching life to a person like me who is still in the egg shell of ignorance and unreal fun. Things are no uniquely dfrnt. U can automatically know that, u are here to learn things in the harder way. I was one of the 6 geese who were selected to go , reasons being spectacularly unknown. the only thing that comes to my mind when i hear Bangla is the dialogue from Pawan Kalyan in the movie KUSHI,
"Vishv mein ek rabindranath tagore, satyajit ray, jagadish chandra bose and char majumdar, Royal Bengal Tiger. Siddu Sidhartha Roy, We are all from hamaara Bangla.
Apart from having a summary of the woes i had in and due to kolkata, the other part is, i started to know and live amongst "people". I had seen poverty in the eye of a lady in the slum , i saw a conductor giving back two twenty five paise coins back to the traveller. i have seen a person pulling me on his shoulders for five rupees(rickshaw-victoria). i have seen people fighting for ten rupees. i have a live fish being cut.
I have seen intelligence used for cheating people. I have seen what bargaining is. i saw a place bigger than koti for shopping. i have seen how unsafe life is after 9 p.m. I have seen fear in the eye of a girl when she sees a drunkard falling. I have seen an illegal immigrant struggling for living and running from police. i have seen people travelling 40 kms to come to office. I have seen people and vehicles are totally unruly on roads. i have seen people think and live in the future here. I have seen people here are close and dont make relationships closed. I have seen the worst food that kolkata can offer and the best food we can make out of it. I havent seen ego in kolkata. I have seen a 50 year old man singing bengali songs with such perfection that u are mesmerized with his tune(i dint understand anything though). I have seen submissiveness, lessons in store for people like me who think life is going in a honda city and jumping and hopping to theatres and enjoying food that mom makes.
Kolkata made me to realize every word that my dad said, every lunch and dinner my mom made, every thing that my sister used to ask me, every little group that my frnds included me into, every frnd whom i used to mean a lot, every rupee i earned, every rupee i spent. It cracked me mentally, physically and emotionally. JP Morgan is jus a reason to teach me the lesson that kolkata offers to everyone. I have seen great people breaking down emotionally due to the resistance the city offers. For good or bad, people leave the city. I am here to learn the hidden side of Calcutta. the inner pages of the book that truly means and wil change my life for all the things ahead.
More things to come..
Shom Shunder
AD 189, Sector -1
Salt Lake.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Closed Eye Happiness
I asked the horizon, as i looked towards it
Can i reach u when i start to learn bit by bit
I know u would have me hit
I was using so much of my wit
That i would definitely fall into the pit
I had only word, which had my mouth knit
No other word other than "Quit"
No Space for hope or grit.
When the sheets were up from the eyes one day
was it on the end of may
I had left sorrows on the bay
Saw the news, Totally Numb i lay
I dint know whether the Almighty hear my pray
I promised i would never fall to my prey
Why doesnot words come
now when they should describe reaction and not staying mum
I had to talk to myself
Closed Eye Happiness i had with my Self
Sadness is always to create a mess
Thomas Jefferson in the declaration of Independence states" All are in the pursuit of Happiness".
Can i reach u when i start to learn bit by bit
I know u would have me hit
I was using so much of my wit
That i would definitely fall into the pit
I had only word, which had my mouth knit
No other word other than "Quit"
No Space for hope or grit.
When the sheets were up from the eyes one day
was it on the end of may
I had left sorrows on the bay
Saw the news, Totally Numb i lay
I dint know whether the Almighty hear my pray
I promised i would never fall to my prey
Why doesnot words come
now when they should describe reaction and not staying mum
I had to talk to myself
Closed Eye Happiness i had with my Self
Sadness is always to create a mess
Thomas Jefferson in the declaration of Independence states" All are in the pursuit of Happiness".
Friday, May 8, 2009
This is what i call a Face Melter!!
What is the way to know the value of something and know the intrinsic meaning of why like should not get converted into craze. I like Basundhi a lot, my dad says," No rice from tomorrow". Only basundhi.. I am more than happy with his offer.. But as i said in my earlier posts, perhaps enjoying is leading to endjoying. So perhaps as the axiom goes," TMTB- Too Much is Too Bad". As always i am able to see the worst part now. I happened to eat loads of basundi for a day and the other day too, thinking on the postive side, i thought nobody gets rice and i get basundhi. racha!!. the third day as Kota Srinivas Rao in Money movie says," Started trouble. Same card, Names change", same thing i did too. I too thought enough of basundhi and changed back to rice and nice awakai. Figuratively, if we understand the other way, too much of happiness and too much of despair makes man to shift his options and go to something different where he thinks he can be satisfied or something. If for a case, i am made to eat basundhi even if i dont like to. The problem is i dont have an option. In this case if u r made to live between people whom u dont like or something and yet living between them is a sort of test for u.. There are two ways of dealing. Rebel or sustain. Both has growth. You rebel, you come out with your opinions and your talk and get a clarification about what he wants and what you are. The other way is a little tricky. The more u sustain, something like plastic deformation occurs there in your thought process and then U CHANGE. You become silent, you lose taste, You lose the vigour and start to listen and inquire rather than enquire about you. This is the point where u get a lot to think about something that is real and not superficial. While i see the style quotient of the car, you see the mileage. You run, i run sideways to see you that nothign happens to you, You eat, i see nothing falls down. You act, i watch. This is something GOD might be. He is nothing but a silent watcher. As Einstein says," Dont say what GOD should do". Many a oberservation says that if a person is silent most of the times, it means he is ignorant and does not know answers. sometimes like wild card entries there are some people who remain silent , observe and go off and at the end they add lot of value rather than others who talk lot. So not all the times being expressive pays off ans sometimes keeping to one self makes you comprehend a feeling. You are sad, You are homesick, You long or cling to something. Do u think this is the end of the emotion. Is despair the end result of anything. It is not. Anything should bring about a change and emotions bring about a change and change of emotion cannot be defined as a change as such.
When people lose big time, when come tell he never had "luck", He never had good friends with him, he never had good food, most people of this category turn silent and they often talk qualitatively rather than quantitatively and these people are declared "Low". They react to hardly anything, choise is a joke for them and they often avoid groups and gangs. Likes of Ayn Rand rather than a harry potter book. A NatGeo or History Channel documentary rather than a Mtv Roadies. These people cannot be categorized as people who are aloof but care more than usual, but the irony of the fact is when they care more than others, they are not expressive and dont expect much. Yet their words add so much value and weight that they dont remember what they said and rather wil u forget either.
A Story i have been telling to a many but never forget:
Me and my friend were walking on the shores of a beach. I see down on the sand and see there are four foot prints on the sand. I walk along. I am so happy in my life and i see down in the sands again. I see four foot prints. I am happy than my friend is there with me while i am happy to share with me.. I go into deep problems and agony and i still walk on the sands. I close my eyes in despair. I look back. I see when i was in agony, only two foot prints were there instead of four. I cry and i feel i am alone in this world and all friends are with me when i have money. I call back my friend when i happy over again and i ask him why he wasnt there with me when i was sad. He says, "Yes, there were two foot prints. Those were mine. I lifted you when u were in troubles and dint make u feel anything pain." Was i melted more than ever.!!!
When people lose big time, when come tell he never had "luck", He never had good friends with him, he never had good food, most people of this category turn silent and they often talk qualitatively rather than quantitatively and these people are declared "Low". They react to hardly anything, choise is a joke for them and they often avoid groups and gangs. Likes of Ayn Rand rather than a harry potter book. A NatGeo or History Channel documentary rather than a Mtv Roadies. These people cannot be categorized as people who are aloof but care more than usual, but the irony of the fact is when they care more than others, they are not expressive and dont expect much. Yet their words add so much value and weight that they dont remember what they said and rather wil u forget either.
A Story i have been telling to a many but never forget:
Me and my friend were walking on the shores of a beach. I see down on the sand and see there are four foot prints on the sand. I walk along. I am so happy in my life and i see down in the sands again. I see four foot prints. I am happy than my friend is there with me while i am happy to share with me.. I go into deep problems and agony and i still walk on the sands. I close my eyes in despair. I look back. I see when i was in agony, only two foot prints were there instead of four. I cry and i feel i am alone in this world and all friends are with me when i have money. I call back my friend when i happy over again and i ask him why he wasnt there with me when i was sad. He says, "Yes, there were two foot prints. Those were mine. I lifted you when u were in troubles and dint make u feel anything pain." Was i melted more than ever.!!!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
More than a thought.. More than a feeling
When u start seeing good happening around you and you are not getting what u think u deserve, two things shud actually come to your mind. One is either you are indifferent or you must be special. the obvious things that happen to these category of people is they get flashes of hopes which make them to stick on to what they were sticking to these many days. It may mean it it might be for good or sometimes it might be a hint that there are better things waiting and the flash was jus to prove that it was more than time waste that we are waiting for things that we are not eligible for or we should be doing something more than our calibre and that we are not steadfast to it. Perhaps the most easiest thing to do is to talk and talk of that sort never carries weight. When your talk comes after you have experienced and tell a moral of your experience, the words carry more than weight. Lip sympathy infact sympathy are of no use and we should not waste our emotions on things or incidents that we know are for good and perhaps as i said time and radio heals every things. A cry, laugh, like , dislike, tension, happiness, struggle or infact life.. everything is so effortlessly moving that we fail to understand the motive of all these things happening around us. I feel sad now that i am doing nothing now. i feel happy in the evening that i dont have problems like them and not far from our parents and i am still waking up at 10 in the morning. In the night i feel i am wasted and sit and see where i am when many of my friends are moving ahead. I feel more than satisified with a nice Thumbs up in my mouth, i feel sad i cant spend as much as them. I feel happy when i go on raghu's bike with sweat on my face giving me a cooling effect. I feel sad when i see someone in Full Shirts Formals. Perhaps there are always some comprimises that one has to make to decide what he has to do for a period of time. If i get a job, i should change myself perhaps i wil get changed and should change economically, mentally, and perhaps verbally too. Growth is such a phenomenon that gives us something and takes away from us too something and perhaps that things should not be with us. Honestly till now what ever i liked or needed most, i go away from it or perhaps i struggle more than others but i add value to it and i make sure that i do more than justice and see i am unique not indifferent. I need to study , go to US but i miss parents and friends. I like to get a job but i cant struggle more and want to go to shuttle at 5 sharp. i want lot of salary and no taxes. I want AC around me and not the heat that comes out of it. I want life full of happiness and not the other part. One question is that if u want all the happiness, there is also sadness and if everytime everybody thinks they are fair in what they do in their life, why you get the happiness and why me get the despair..?
I see sometimes looking outside the window of the bus sometimes all the people are in such a hurry in accomplishing all things. when i start walking silently sometmes to the shuttle ground, if i observe myself carefully, i talk, i smile, i show many mixed emotions, run fast, sing or hum that i cant observe and others see with ease. the converse happens too. Seriously our mind is too big , too complex hmmm machine which keeps on doing so much work that it makes look anything small and un noticeable. But the irony is it transforms everything around it when its too happy or too sad. The world and people around us looks so good and so green and so musical when things go our way and then when we dont get what we get, frustration cries through our mind, hands getting itchy to beat some one without reason, angry for losing one serve in a game, remaining silent when u were always blaberring before when u were happy. Fluctuation, happiness healing to despair and converse happening. Making the mind more strong, making the emotions come out rarely and appropriately. Getting the balanced outlook towards everything. Perhaps inching towards something better and everytime we think we dont want anything and everything comes on its own when needed is the state when all things start to settle and perhaps preparing us for something better. The mind or the brain whatever makes me tell this, talk like this has total power to change my outlook and at present is most fluctuatin. The most educated person when i see crying, i feel the power of mind. Perhaps knowing is nothing when compared to understanding.Understandin is nothing in front of feeling.
Beyond all thoughts are you
Complex u r that u leave no clue
Be it a water in the form of dew
Or the tears which came from the blue
Happening is it, falsehood or true
Closer u drew
I learnt , the stronger i grew.!!
I see sometimes looking outside the window of the bus sometimes all the people are in such a hurry in accomplishing all things. when i start walking silently sometmes to the shuttle ground, if i observe myself carefully, i talk, i smile, i show many mixed emotions, run fast, sing or hum that i cant observe and others see with ease. the converse happens too. Seriously our mind is too big , too complex hmmm machine which keeps on doing so much work that it makes look anything small and un noticeable. But the irony is it transforms everything around it when its too happy or too sad. The world and people around us looks so good and so green and so musical when things go our way and then when we dont get what we get, frustration cries through our mind, hands getting itchy to beat some one without reason, angry for losing one serve in a game, remaining silent when u were always blaberring before when u were happy. Fluctuation, happiness healing to despair and converse happening. Making the mind more strong, making the emotions come out rarely and appropriately. Getting the balanced outlook towards everything. Perhaps inching towards something better and everytime we think we dont want anything and everything comes on its own when needed is the state when all things start to settle and perhaps preparing us for something better. The mind or the brain whatever makes me tell this, talk like this has total power to change my outlook and at present is most fluctuatin. The most educated person when i see crying, i feel the power of mind. Perhaps knowing is nothing when compared to understanding.Understandin is nothing in front of feeling.
Beyond all thoughts are you
Complex u r that u leave no clue
Be it a water in the form of dew
Or the tears which came from the blue
Happening is it, falsehood or true
Closer u drew
I learnt , the stronger i grew.!!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Providence or Coincidence?
I am on the edge of a mountain and i am jus about to fall into that, i have somethin like the ring that freudo has, and somebody needs it and i am ready to fall into that, i hold on to a rock while the person who needs the ring bollywoodically slips down and falls into the lava and i come up emphatically up..(scene change).. I see my school classmate coming to my college and then tells mehow i have been.I talk for some time and suddenly somebody hits me from back.All shout.(teleport) I see myself sitting in a seat in a pub and colours of the light make me look different, i am dragged by my friends to dance and i dont. we all go to the beach and suddenlymy phone rings from an unknown number. I shout a lot but the person on the other side's voice is never audible. i shout even more. I have a jerk. I see myself on the bed with sweat on my face and get up and in an instant the feeling of the so called dream grips me and then again, in not less than ten min, the dream becomes sort of faint that i cant explain to anybody verbally. I then sit down and start to do my work.
Perhaps anything which i cant remember, cant be taken seriously and therefore i need lot more than utter encouragement and more than scientific proof and implications. Therefore wasting no more of my time i start to switch on the computer and see the torrent's progress and then do the rest of the day's work.
Around eleven or so i go out and then i feel the scorch of the sun and then start to walk at the edge of our road. I get a call that, i start play early today and then i start towards the ground, i remember that my frnds wants a dvd of movies i dwded recently and then again go back home and board the bus and then since there is nothing more than some 20 30 rupees for bus charge and the dvd, i drop the dvd more than five days and everybody glares at me. i get down and then go to the ground walking. I see that i have to reach out to the shuttle cock much more than required as the shuttle cock is seeming more than heavier today and i sweat for small shots also. Other friend comes and tells that he needs the dvd, i am puzzled and says i have to give it to other fellow. Small runnin around the ground and i get the dvd back..all say lets go to hotel, i dont have enoug money with me, i am dragged and then i come home back and then i sit in front of the computer and mom asks me whether i have finished some work or no. i cant listen properly. i moan then i shout.Suddenly i get a feel of deja-vu that somethin on the similar lines has happened me and if at all there were any thing like quantification or verbalization of experience or any feeling, i would have felt something similar. I see myself writing this blog now.
Perhaps a matrix call, the freudo ring from LOTR, the goa trip i've had, many incidents scrambled makes this dream like somewhat figuratively real. Anything that happens to us, good or bad gives us two options. Is it coincidence or providence. Depends on how brave we are, how timid we are, the answer answers us. Like Professor John Koestler says," Intelligent people find providence, the others find coincidence".
Long long ago, so long ago
When the Ego was not having the ego,
Present a vault that was beyond all riches
Wanted by all, wizards and the witches.
Too many clues, too many maps.
Would lead you to the goal or deadly traps
The more complex they made it, the same it looked.
Saw a person about this on the poster which was hooked.
Emptiness filled in him, little saw the glow glow
Moved did he towards the vault steady and slow
Closed his eyes did he, nothing did he expect
Simplicity he did reflect
Felt he elated when the vault was open,
The treasure was visible to him alone and not the other men
Said he to the other with pity
"I am the one to declare it empty" :-)
Perhaps anything which i cant remember, cant be taken seriously and therefore i need lot more than utter encouragement and more than scientific proof and implications. Therefore wasting no more of my time i start to switch on the computer and see the torrent's progress and then do the rest of the day's work.
Around eleven or so i go out and then i feel the scorch of the sun and then start to walk at the edge of our road. I get a call that, i start play early today and then i start towards the ground, i remember that my frnds wants a dvd of movies i dwded recently and then again go back home and board the bus and then since there is nothing more than some 20 30 rupees for bus charge and the dvd, i drop the dvd more than five days and everybody glares at me. i get down and then go to the ground walking. I see that i have to reach out to the shuttle cock much more than required as the shuttle cock is seeming more than heavier today and i sweat for small shots also. Other friend comes and tells that he needs the dvd, i am puzzled and says i have to give it to other fellow. Small runnin around the ground and i get the dvd back..all say lets go to hotel, i dont have enoug money with me, i am dragged and then i come home back and then i sit in front of the computer and mom asks me whether i have finished some work or no. i cant listen properly. i moan then i shout.Suddenly i get a feel of deja-vu that somethin on the similar lines has happened me and if at all there were any thing like quantification or verbalization of experience or any feeling, i would have felt something similar. I see myself writing this blog now.
Perhaps a matrix call, the freudo ring from LOTR, the goa trip i've had, many incidents scrambled makes this dream like somewhat figuratively real. Anything that happens to us, good or bad gives us two options. Is it coincidence or providence. Depends on how brave we are, how timid we are, the answer answers us. Like Professor John Koestler says," Intelligent people find providence, the others find coincidence".
Long long ago, so long ago
When the Ego was not having the ego,
Present a vault that was beyond all riches
Wanted by all, wizards and the witches.
Too many clues, too many maps.
Would lead you to the goal or deadly traps
The more complex they made it, the same it looked.
Saw a person about this on the poster which was hooked.
Emptiness filled in him, little saw the glow glow
Moved did he towards the vault steady and slow
Closed his eyes did he, nothing did he expect
Simplicity he did reflect
Felt he elated when the vault was open,
The treasure was visible to him alone and not the other men
Said he to the other with pity
"I am the one to declare it empty" :-)
Sunday, April 26, 2009
If you cant understand my silence, You cant understand my words
What can i blame, things
around me are just are falling apart.
Nectar is it, or is the snake i see with it's fangs
As i feel the delusion part,
More than the message, more than the Despair,
I see the Cause, I see change.
Are silence and control camouflaging flare
Lot to feel, lot to tell, lot to learn, see i no one in range...
Went along to see the place where the world ends
Diversity did i see when i came across friends and fiends
Exhaustion i felt, Goal felt more far, Roads looked more long with more bends
I poured my heart to everyone, people, animals and the winds.
Laughed did they, some pushed and then i asked my hands
Leading are you me to my lands.?
Practicality burnt my pocket making me lighter on my funds
why do pennies add more value than pounds
I close my eyes feeling the sands
Felt I, Can there be a communion with me and my minds.?
Ground did it, Scourged i was for my mistake
Emotion resorted to leave me and i did feel a quake
Eyes looked more than misty and had i more than a wake
What i thought, a world which i was living, was more than fake
So precise were the creations, so beautiful was the make.
I reached the place i wanted to, with utmost effort
struggled did i with my utmost heart
Got down i did from my cart
Saw that the board read," This is the End of the World"
Cacophonically did i sing about my happiness with my fold,
A Voice in the hush told my celebration should be put on hold
See The board completely was i told,
From the Other side, it read," The World Begins here"
Learnt did i more than a lear
The Inner voice had me to hear
Now the goal almost clear
made "Me" and me near.
Futile was the aim,
Futile was not the search,
Futile was the Funds
Futile was not the change of Minds
Assumed Futile is the past,
Futile is not the present.
While i see the communion and come back out of the mime,
I see i have missed yet again the Rhyme..!!!
around me are just are falling apart.
Nectar is it, or is the snake i see with it's fangs
As i feel the delusion part,
More than the message, more than the Despair,
I see the Cause, I see change.
Are silence and control camouflaging flare
Lot to feel, lot to tell, lot to learn, see i no one in range...
Went along to see the place where the world ends
Diversity did i see when i came across friends and fiends
Exhaustion i felt, Goal felt more far, Roads looked more long with more bends
I poured my heart to everyone, people, animals and the winds.
Laughed did they, some pushed and then i asked my hands
Leading are you me to my lands.?
Practicality burnt my pocket making me lighter on my funds
why do pennies add more value than pounds
I close my eyes feeling the sands
Felt I, Can there be a communion with me and my minds.?
Ground did it, Scourged i was for my mistake
Emotion resorted to leave me and i did feel a quake
Eyes looked more than misty and had i more than a wake
What i thought, a world which i was living, was more than fake
So precise were the creations, so beautiful was the make.
I reached the place i wanted to, with utmost effort
struggled did i with my utmost heart
Got down i did from my cart
Saw that the board read," This is the End of the World"
Cacophonically did i sing about my happiness with my fold,
A Voice in the hush told my celebration should be put on hold
See The board completely was i told,
From the Other side, it read," The World Begins here"
Learnt did i more than a lear
The Inner voice had me to hear
Now the goal almost clear
made "Me" and me near.
Futile was the aim,
Futile was not the search,
Futile was the Funds
Futile was not the change of Minds
Assumed Futile is the past,
Futile is not the present.
While i see the communion and come back out of the mime,
I see i have missed yet again the Rhyme..!!!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Mindynamics
I dont know why is it happening to me, suddenly one day i see my self so comfortable and optimistic that things never seem to have the potential to change themselves for might be good or bad. Things that are right now now occuring are testing my fluctuation power , emotional ability and for sure the inclination of something that makes me bad, in other words, i jus dono who would be empathic to understand whats going in me and to me. Perhaps, i jus dono the physical and mental capabilities that i possess, because i so interpret things are going way out the factor of safety limit that no aslyum may sure make me atleast cheerful and the more i get to face, the more i am losing the idea to get cheerful and this is all what i have chosen and i dint know i chose this tough. Mentally getting grilled is worst than nailing me physically on a cross. As i always observe, there are three things that primarily required so as to make me act proper and regular. The desire makes me to think towards the completion and the thought makes me further physically strive for it. So i think the higher i go and and i fall , i make a greater impact. Figuratively, i meant the worse i desire, the more i get inflicted upon because the desire is the force that makes the so called body dance to its tunes . I feel my stomach churn, contract and make so many physical movements with jus a sad feeling in my mind. I clearly could never understand the contrasting diffference between brain and mind. I affirm that the brain is the gateway to the brain and for sure there is a higher power in each that governs. But without the brain, the mind shall cease to exist. Its jus the powers in the human body and the mental powers are so accurately synchronized and delivered that we fail to find out the contrast or differenciate the working of each.Thts the reason sometimes people are alive when the brain is dead and when the people dono respond aka trance. The synchronization is lost here and thts the reason the unpredictable comes out. Its at this point that most of the times, people get flashes or do sometimes more than human.
Now i reason, is it possible to control thoughts. its possible to streamline it. Its like a torrent that can never be stopped but can be tapped and all we have to do is to go along with it. sometimes some events change the course of the torrent. But then , the underlying fact is that, the change caused might well become permanent and for sure either people talk or imagine something aka Hallucination. Its jus that, they can never express what they feel or see like and neither we can interpret their actions. They are held up in a certain energy state of thinking that nothing seems to be looking normal like us and for sure for good or bad, its due to some drastic events due to which thigns change in them and they go unforunately out of our reach. For good or bad, we never realize the power of a thought or a desire has. It has far more damaging effect than a physical infliction on ourself. But the point that has to be noted is that, anything that has happens in any plane, the physical body is affected for sure. The only way to crack the puzzle or in other words nulify the Karma we acquire is by doing deeds in the physical plane we live upon which is unfortunately not in control of itself.Therefore it looks like we have more than a challenge to face and more than an aim to focus on. Its like the puppet has to win the show changing the course of the movements that control it. Looks vague, but thts the nearest analogy we can actually reach out to.
If its the pathetic part we look on, its like a fighting a losing war. On the other hand, the war is never fought between two unequals and as said, nothing is unfair, if anything was unfair, life makes it fair. Perhaps better regulation and natural instincts might jus have to be the pre requisites to start for an attack. But as said, no body fights a losing war. The dynamics of the so called existence is to delicate and sophisticated that it makes many a people feel the growth acheived when you win a day in the war. Its not about the day u lose in the war, it matters whether the war is won or no. The irony here is, physics differenciates Statics and dynamics. In fact, Mind becomes more static when u r dynamic and more dynamic when u r static. I suppose laws that we frame and too small and non-specific that govern the mind and perhaps if the mind has made a rule, it always has an inert malfunction in it. In other words how can mind make rules for the mind. Well This is jus a beginning to Mindynamics..
Now i reason, is it possible to control thoughts. its possible to streamline it. Its like a torrent that can never be stopped but can be tapped and all we have to do is to go along with it. sometimes some events change the course of the torrent. But then , the underlying fact is that, the change caused might well become permanent and for sure either people talk or imagine something aka Hallucination. Its jus that, they can never express what they feel or see like and neither we can interpret their actions. They are held up in a certain energy state of thinking that nothing seems to be looking normal like us and for sure for good or bad, its due to some drastic events due to which thigns change in them and they go unforunately out of our reach. For good or bad, we never realize the power of a thought or a desire has. It has far more damaging effect than a physical infliction on ourself. But the point that has to be noted is that, anything that has happens in any plane, the physical body is affected for sure. The only way to crack the puzzle or in other words nulify the Karma we acquire is by doing deeds in the physical plane we live upon which is unfortunately not in control of itself.Therefore it looks like we have more than a challenge to face and more than an aim to focus on. Its like the puppet has to win the show changing the course of the movements that control it. Looks vague, but thts the nearest analogy we can actually reach out to.
If its the pathetic part we look on, its like a fighting a losing war. On the other hand, the war is never fought between two unequals and as said, nothing is unfair, if anything was unfair, life makes it fair. Perhaps better regulation and natural instincts might jus have to be the pre requisites to start for an attack. But as said, no body fights a losing war. The dynamics of the so called existence is to delicate and sophisticated that it makes many a people feel the growth acheived when you win a day in the war. Its not about the day u lose in the war, it matters whether the war is won or no. The irony here is, physics differenciates Statics and dynamics. In fact, Mind becomes more static when u r dynamic and more dynamic when u r static. I suppose laws that we frame and too small and non-specific that govern the mind and perhaps if the mind has made a rule, it always has an inert malfunction in it. In other words how can mind make rules for the mind. Well This is jus a beginning to Mindynamics..
Sunday, April 19, 2009
I am here to create Chaos..& the thing about the Chaos is, Its Fair
Do i see myself in the making
Scolding, crying, repenting and understanding.
Breaking up and having so many patches,
The rising of a dead Phoenix from its ashes.
The less i spoke, the more i heard,
made me separate from my herd.
I ask the heavens above,
Why isn't thou giving me the answers now.?
The Title is one of the few golden truths that THE JOKER tells about life. Every incident that occurs almost is true, perhaps the perception may not be true. The perception of a glass half filled with water is viewed in two ways. The person whose mental frame is set in pessimism, sees it half empty, where as the latter sees it half filled. Its the perception that governs a system, firm, mind and life. The person who is 40 years claims he is two thirds in grave when 60 yrs is the limit. There is so much problem with people who get close to us. There is either a chance of them getting totally confident on us that they doubt on us so much, if we do anything on our own and something different from the set mental frame in their mind. This thing breeds something called as conditioning and doubt in some cases. Possesivenness neither allows the person free and neither you free. Honestly and indeed i have suffered and have been a victim of both the cases. The worst thing is expectation from a person who is mostly instantaneous and basically friendly with all. The worst part is , when we get close to that person. He expect him/ her to fit into my mental frame that any deviation is not intolerable and i start to fluctuate for any change in the person's behaviour. Phew..! Moral of the story, Close, Closer, Closest, Closed :-P...
The human mind is so convenient and comfortable to describe emotions and situations in its language. Perhaps a word called unfair is never a part of any dictionary. Does anything happen to us that is unfair..? There is nothing called unfair and somethin getting unfair is fair. So its jus for us that to understand whts in store for us and perhaps realize our capabilities, strengths, limits and options.! Therefore to know ourselves, we need to primarily have a trial and error method to know ourselves and for sure when we are near our real mark, we wil get closer to wht we actually are. Perhaps sometimes i think, having a power like telepathy or reading other minds would not have created all these complications. Perhaps not having this faculty is fair..!! The irony of life is always as i mentioned, i dont get what i want now and my friend gets it now which he does not want. If everything were to be complete, wholesome and satisfying, there would not be anything called hunt, evolution or any effort to strive for or infact to reach out for.
Perfection is death and never strive for it. As i read things from Carl Sagan, he says anybody who is done with his responsibilities and his material duties, has to think about two things. Beginning and the End of anything. When are my sorrows going to end. when are my happy days going to come. Perhaps THE MATRIX answers everybody, Everything that has a beginning, has an end.
If everything were easy, Perhaps the creation would not be a worthy one. Its been a year long wait and believe it or no. I have being learning things in the most hardest way. Its like getting to learn addition at the age of twenty. Looks easy, but makes you realize easy things are most difficult to learn and the most horrible thing is when u know, u know addition the rest are learning higher things than that, you are declared u dono addition and made to relearn and believe it or no, you forget after addition after some time. Time creates a slack in you and perhaps the energy left in you does not show it VIVA in it. I suppose things have made me more thoughtful towards anything, a sort of stolid and neutral approach towards anything and perhaps, when my frnd tells me that hey did u see the flat beside you.?, Your earlier response would have been, "Ace man, That house looked exactly like the one i think i saw in my dreams," when you know already you are talking bullshit. instead the answer now would be an appreciating "Ya dude"..
As i have written for some of my frnds, in telugu some say, Gaadidhi guddu, kankara peesu. The thoughtful niche makes u think God The Good, Conquer peace. Thoughts get thoughtful. Thinking of a classic slow song like the Man who sold the world -Nirvana or probably New Moon-Twilight Background. Sometimes around 2 or 3 in the night when i start to explore my balcony in the night.(Jab Sara Sheher Sotha Hai, Thab Shyam Balcony mein Ghoomtha Hain..Lol), i ponder so much that thoughts get to condense from my eyes and make me thoughtful about what things have made me to stand there and think about things that has made me see REALITY and perhaps sometime before, i was too timid to stand out and accept and see that. It has been more than managing for the time being before and when time comes when i have to see what i have done, i repent and perhaps everybody has a time for this and i am havin it now and Like said," Everybody wil catch the train, i will too catch, but at the last. "Can busy life surf out more thoughts in me than now, when i have too much to think and nothing to do.?
Growth should never be a constant term when one is static and perhaps he has to outgrow himself as the day finishes. Perhaps we have to outgrow people, emotions and reactions for an event tomorow if there is a case if deja-vu. Perhaps a life is too big a day to outgrow what we have learnt this life and perhaps in the next life have a different approach for the same thing. The beauty of creation is, in any life you never have a deja-vu and always you have to act with your instincts. Growth is such a wonderful phenomenon that makes you fall every moment making you to more stronger to climb higher and know that Life is like a game of cards, The point u think you hold all the cards, you lose most.
Scolding, crying, repenting and understanding.
Breaking up and having so many patches,
The rising of a dead Phoenix from its ashes.
The less i spoke, the more i heard,
made me separate from my herd.
I ask the heavens above,
Why isn't thou giving me the answers now.?
The Title is one of the few golden truths that THE JOKER tells about life. Every incident that occurs almost is true, perhaps the perception may not be true. The perception of a glass half filled with water is viewed in two ways. The person whose mental frame is set in pessimism, sees it half empty, where as the latter sees it half filled. Its the perception that governs a system, firm, mind and life. The person who is 40 years claims he is two thirds in grave when 60 yrs is the limit. There is so much problem with people who get close to us. There is either a chance of them getting totally confident on us that they doubt on us so much, if we do anything on our own and something different from the set mental frame in their mind. This thing breeds something called as conditioning and doubt in some cases. Possesivenness neither allows the person free and neither you free. Honestly and indeed i have suffered and have been a victim of both the cases. The worst thing is expectation from a person who is mostly instantaneous and basically friendly with all. The worst part is , when we get close to that person. He expect him/ her to fit into my mental frame that any deviation is not intolerable and i start to fluctuate for any change in the person's behaviour. Phew..! Moral of the story, Close, Closer, Closest, Closed :-P...
The human mind is so convenient and comfortable to describe emotions and situations in its language. Perhaps a word called unfair is never a part of any dictionary. Does anything happen to us that is unfair..? There is nothing called unfair and somethin getting unfair is fair. So its jus for us that to understand whts in store for us and perhaps realize our capabilities, strengths, limits and options.! Therefore to know ourselves, we need to primarily have a trial and error method to know ourselves and for sure when we are near our real mark, we wil get closer to wht we actually are. Perhaps sometimes i think, having a power like telepathy or reading other minds would not have created all these complications. Perhaps not having this faculty is fair..!! The irony of life is always as i mentioned, i dont get what i want now and my friend gets it now which he does not want. If everything were to be complete, wholesome and satisfying, there would not be anything called hunt, evolution or any effort to strive for or infact to reach out for.
Perfection is death and never strive for it. As i read things from Carl Sagan, he says anybody who is done with his responsibilities and his material duties, has to think about two things. Beginning and the End of anything. When are my sorrows going to end. when are my happy days going to come. Perhaps THE MATRIX answers everybody, Everything that has a beginning, has an end.
If everything were easy, Perhaps the creation would not be a worthy one. Its been a year long wait and believe it or no. I have being learning things in the most hardest way. Its like getting to learn addition at the age of twenty. Looks easy, but makes you realize easy things are most difficult to learn and the most horrible thing is when u know, u know addition the rest are learning higher things than that, you are declared u dono addition and made to relearn and believe it or no, you forget after addition after some time. Time creates a slack in you and perhaps the energy left in you does not show it VIVA in it. I suppose things have made me more thoughtful towards anything, a sort of stolid and neutral approach towards anything and perhaps, when my frnd tells me that hey did u see the flat beside you.?, Your earlier response would have been, "Ace man, That house looked exactly like the one i think i saw in my dreams," when you know already you are talking bullshit. instead the answer now would be an appreciating "Ya dude"..
As i have written for some of my frnds, in telugu some say, Gaadidhi guddu, kankara peesu. The thoughtful niche makes u think God The Good, Conquer peace. Thoughts get thoughtful. Thinking of a classic slow song like the Man who sold the world -Nirvana or probably New Moon-Twilight Background. Sometimes around 2 or 3 in the night when i start to explore my balcony in the night.(Jab Sara Sheher Sotha Hai, Thab Shyam Balcony mein Ghoomtha Hain..Lol), i ponder so much that thoughts get to condense from my eyes and make me thoughtful about what things have made me to stand there and think about things that has made me see REALITY and perhaps sometime before, i was too timid to stand out and accept and see that. It has been more than managing for the time being before and when time comes when i have to see what i have done, i repent and perhaps everybody has a time for this and i am havin it now and Like said," Everybody wil catch the train, i will too catch, but at the last. "Can busy life surf out more thoughts in me than now, when i have too much to think and nothing to do.?
Growth should never be a constant term when one is static and perhaps he has to outgrow himself as the day finishes. Perhaps we have to outgrow people, emotions and reactions for an event tomorow if there is a case if deja-vu. Perhaps a life is too big a day to outgrow what we have learnt this life and perhaps in the next life have a different approach for the same thing. The beauty of creation is, in any life you never have a deja-vu and always you have to act with your instincts. Growth is such a wonderful phenomenon that makes you fall every moment making you to more stronger to climb higher and know that Life is like a game of cards, The point u think you hold all the cards, you lose most.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
You are doing a great service to the nation son...
These are some of the very few words that gifted people get in their lives for doing something that the nation finds, a some what genuine use for. For the first time, when i heard this words in the movie " Beautiful Mind", *ing Russel Crowe., He has such a natural flair of deducing anything , infact deducing and seeing the logic behind events occuring around us. Though he was considered as indifferent and all.. The truth is that he was terribly sad with himself that he was afraid that the knowledge within himself would be misused and feared to doing things that he dint like and he mentally visualized himself getting blackmailed.!! The irony of the story is even genious folk like them have to face such horrendous threats that it becomes very hard for them to keep themselves in focus. The reason behind this observation is that, it takes lot to be gifted. when they are gifted, they usually think its a curse and then again, it takes even more to realize that those are given to complete a mission or join into a race that might lead the latter. We, crave for them and never get indeed think life would get lot easier if we were sort of mutants. But, Every entity, tangeable or intangeable, reactive or no reactive suffers, experiences and learns from its own mistakes and its course of evolution. Its jus a small analogy that the tenth class student has his own problems and then the third class boy thinks that life is heaven if he was in tenth class. Perhaps both are in such states that neither of each can express his problem thru words to the other and always think abt that life would be good and enjoyable when they swap their positions. Indeed the beauty of the evoution is we grow in our life by understanding, interacting and learning.But, like a stone, when placed on glass, when reaches higher heights gains lot of potential energy. when the higher it goes and makes a smaller mistake, it creates a bigger impact on the stone than when it would fall from a smalle height. The ignorance levels in adults becomes exhorbitantly high. A new born baby is born and according to results, it takes surprisingly either no effort or full effort of a person to make the child smile. The child is like the nature, it may smile for anything and all the time we, adults struggle to make the child smile. when the child smiles, if at all i could go inside the thinking cells of the brain of the child, it would have been echoing laughter at ignorance of the so called "grown ups" and again helplessly neither of each can communicate each other's feelings at the point when it matters. Like always.. TMTB- Too Much is Too Bad..
When i ponder about the "INNER MAN" of a person, however he might look from outside, I jus hope we all could have inner eyes to view what the real man is and see his actual reaction and whats that making him stop or making him to hesitate to do things that he is supposed to do. In the movie "Taking Chance", the major, who is supposed to be mentally strong meets people in different occupations who show their respect and their feelings for the soldier who died in the war and is taken back to his homeplace for his funeral.. The inner eye opens and he sees the respect not for the body but for the respect of a human being from a human being.. at every stage from a child to an old man feels it. The Major says." The respect for the life was given from the point he died and he was more than alive when the coffin was being carried on and he passed away when he was buried in here". Life is more than one can expect and thinks or imagines about. Its about fulfilling the mission he has come here for and perhaps we need to even search the mission.
I am herenow more than a feeling abt one's feeling on anything, anybody or any situation.Its like the more we run behind the butterfly, the farther it goes from us. We should clearly understand the contrasting difference between guidance, support , advice and forcing. This four are applicable at all levels of comprehension and interaction i.e with humans, plants etc. and with humans(frnds, relatives and officers). Often great truths are not hidden and we crack our brains to find those. Its been a more than understanding now a days pondering abt people who speak always that there is lot more to offer when we listen and as always things mould us for the circumstances we need to face. So, if at all you are fearing about how you would fare about in the cruel world outside, dont worry, an automatic healing and adjustment wizard makes you adaptable for where u go.
The more i feel the pain,
The more it makes me prepare for the future slain.
Why does the shout comes from the spasm
That conviction is the source of enthusiasm.
I feel more than tested around by you,
I get puzzled when u say, brunt was for me, why the grunt for u?
Life is not to be concluded now in this phase,
I realize its clear now , when u removed the Haze..!!
When i ponder about the "INNER MAN" of a person, however he might look from outside, I jus hope we all could have inner eyes to view what the real man is and see his actual reaction and whats that making him stop or making him to hesitate to do things that he is supposed to do. In the movie "Taking Chance", the major, who is supposed to be mentally strong meets people in different occupations who show their respect and their feelings for the soldier who died in the war and is taken back to his homeplace for his funeral.. The inner eye opens and he sees the respect not for the body but for the respect of a human being from a human being.. at every stage from a child to an old man feels it. The Major says." The respect for the life was given from the point he died and he was more than alive when the coffin was being carried on and he passed away when he was buried in here". Life is more than one can expect and thinks or imagines about. Its about fulfilling the mission he has come here for and perhaps we need to even search the mission.
I am herenow more than a feeling abt one's feeling on anything, anybody or any situation.Its like the more we run behind the butterfly, the farther it goes from us. We should clearly understand the contrasting difference between guidance, support , advice and forcing. This four are applicable at all levels of comprehension and interaction i.e with humans, plants etc. and with humans(frnds, relatives and officers). Often great truths are not hidden and we crack our brains to find those. Its been a more than understanding now a days pondering abt people who speak always that there is lot more to offer when we listen and as always things mould us for the circumstances we need to face. So, if at all you are fearing about how you would fare about in the cruel world outside, dont worry, an automatic healing and adjustment wizard makes you adaptable for where u go.
The more i feel the pain,
The more it makes me prepare for the future slain.
Why does the shout comes from the spasm
That conviction is the source of enthusiasm.
I feel more than tested around by you,
I get puzzled when u say, brunt was for me, why the grunt for u?
Life is not to be concluded now in this phase,
I realize its clear now , when u removed the Haze..!!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Position in control.. Roger that
The title says it all.. i jus cant imagine how i suddenly change my mental status according to the situations around that some how invariable makes me to write the blog that things are indeed making me do something different that i am either supposed or not supposed to do. Phew.. Its just that when u start to feel the sweet that u r eating is tasting more than " sweet" and u r like, i had enough of the sweet. the paradox of the current lifestyle is perhaps everything is good, anything more makes it bad. A person with too much drinking, too much of work, too much of reading and too much of talking gets to feel at some point that things are getting over extended and perhaps as enjoyed shud be phrased as endjoyed.
As i believe, anything that we pray for and ask for, surely for some reasons does not happen all by itself. Instead its jus made to be done and taken by us. Its jus that we have never understood the reason and the logic governing our actions, reasons for the action and further which the evolution never makes us think. I suppose the person anybody higher than us is too honest and kind to give us the fruit of the action we do. Therefore if there were any discovery made(invention would be a joke), the person gets the credit and for any bad thing he gets the heat too.. Therefore for doing anything great or horrible, i suppose i am more than the last name in his priority on his and its too illogical that makes me think that way and heis the person who troubles me in the daily life. I suppose we make our own destiny and that we are not updated with the acts we have been doing lives before.
Flashes like dreams may partly be a clue to what actually we are supposed to do. We surely know the difference between a flash and a dream. A Flash is a complex figurative idiom that has to be understood and applied in real life. A flash guides you. Unlike a dream may be due to regular or a prey to ur likes, dislikes and fears. All Flashes are dreams, the converse is never true. I suppose being on the minority side or being alone amidst many a people may be the most difficult situation is one;s life because there are lot of chances where he may get influenced by the ideas and actions of the latter and one should have a firewall, a repelling sheath that makes him to stand on his word and ideals.
Being in a kinda habit makes life worst. may it be in constant touch with some one or habits like drinking or smoking. They haunt you making me a slave of a stream of similar vibrated and intesified thoughts. After some time, after a change, u have a layer of thoughts superimposed on that, perhaps erasing more than anything else that recorded, thoughts are the most difficult to erase and that only the intensity can be reduced.
When a person is reactive to a situation and not thoughtful, he does not comprehend its reality. Perhaps balanced, non-reactive and utmost stolid personalities are given responsibilities of higher order, physically, monetarily or ethically. Therefore it becomes tantamount on one;s mental strength of having absolute discreetion to deliver things at the right place for the right priority.
Things have been more than churning me making me know the mistakes i have been through and like a non-penetratable sheath, change is not being permanent. I jus feel its getting thin and one day for sure, its going to start showing the changes. The change in the winning side is never making the stronger time weak, but making the weaker team strong. Things that i do are making the open doors sealed and perhaps extended doing to some activities are going to lead me to a multiple dead end situation. Completion has never found its place in my talk and further incomplete has been frequent in my talk. I am glad i could jus remove the two letters "in" from incompletion. When i think dejected or cheated, i get angry on infinitesimally small issues that need to no priority. I get an idea to humiliate somebody, laugh at a person's agony or perhaps want to listen to a person more sad than me and jus not able to listen, accept and comprehend my present status of atmosphere around me. Its jus that change is making the bad things react in me and causing me to do things that are not desirable. The Irony is you realize how futile, irresponsible and useless were the things you did, jus after doing it..
Evry day looks longer than before,
every rupee looks more valuable,
every word is becoming more thoughtful,
everything is looking Real.
As i believe, anything that we pray for and ask for, surely for some reasons does not happen all by itself. Instead its jus made to be done and taken by us. Its jus that we have never understood the reason and the logic governing our actions, reasons for the action and further which the evolution never makes us think. I suppose the person anybody higher than us is too honest and kind to give us the fruit of the action we do. Therefore if there were any discovery made(invention would be a joke), the person gets the credit and for any bad thing he gets the heat too.. Therefore for doing anything great or horrible, i suppose i am more than the last name in his priority on his and its too illogical that makes me think that way and heis the person who troubles me in the daily life. I suppose we make our own destiny and that we are not updated with the acts we have been doing lives before.
Flashes like dreams may partly be a clue to what actually we are supposed to do. We surely know the difference between a flash and a dream. A Flash is a complex figurative idiom that has to be understood and applied in real life. A flash guides you. Unlike a dream may be due to regular or a prey to ur likes, dislikes and fears. All Flashes are dreams, the converse is never true. I suppose being on the minority side or being alone amidst many a people may be the most difficult situation is one;s life because there are lot of chances where he may get influenced by the ideas and actions of the latter and one should have a firewall, a repelling sheath that makes him to stand on his word and ideals.
Being in a kinda habit makes life worst. may it be in constant touch with some one or habits like drinking or smoking. They haunt you making me a slave of a stream of similar vibrated and intesified thoughts. After some time, after a change, u have a layer of thoughts superimposed on that, perhaps erasing more than anything else that recorded, thoughts are the most difficult to erase and that only the intensity can be reduced.
When a person is reactive to a situation and not thoughtful, he does not comprehend its reality. Perhaps balanced, non-reactive and utmost stolid personalities are given responsibilities of higher order, physically, monetarily or ethically. Therefore it becomes tantamount on one;s mental strength of having absolute discreetion to deliver things at the right place for the right priority.
Things have been more than churning me making me know the mistakes i have been through and like a non-penetratable sheath, change is not being permanent. I jus feel its getting thin and one day for sure, its going to start showing the changes. The change in the winning side is never making the stronger time weak, but making the weaker team strong. Things that i do are making the open doors sealed and perhaps extended doing to some activities are going to lead me to a multiple dead end situation. Completion has never found its place in my talk and further incomplete has been frequent in my talk. I am glad i could jus remove the two letters "in" from incompletion. When i think dejected or cheated, i get angry on infinitesimally small issues that need to no priority. I get an idea to humiliate somebody, laugh at a person's agony or perhaps want to listen to a person more sad than me and jus not able to listen, accept and comprehend my present status of atmosphere around me. Its jus that change is making the bad things react in me and causing me to do things that are not desirable. The Irony is you realize how futile, irresponsible and useless were the things you did, jus after doing it..
Evry day looks longer than before,
every rupee looks more valuable,
every word is becoming more thoughtful,
everything is looking Real.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Priorities
Hey Kala Kala Kala Bandhar Baahar hain ya , hain andhar..
This might be one of the posts which took me lot of time to come and perhaps things have been jus too .......(any adjective i use would be controversial)..It has been jus fair and nothing else.. Its jus that some people who have been stopped talking with me from quite some time have had a resurrection of their behaviour towards me. On a bad note, its jus that i have abruptly cancelled one of my biggest dream to sing( A Karaoke Program). The time i was planning for it, i was planning for it too much and GOD i was learning photoshop and all.Things make me jus so different for the event that i thin.. perhaps saturation is jus inching and i am almost on the verge of getting dfrnt and ugly. esp when there are threads like second aniversary and all..I see my thoughts sway suddenly somewhere the body is automatically teleported to a place like in the song" Dance of the Death", " They took me to a place unholy, and then danced and tranced with them".. Perhaps music is created, as told by raghu either to vent out; when under effect of drugs or in utter depression, perhaps thts when the real comes out and then music comes out, the incredible guitar solo sometimes, cant imagine.hmmm
Coming to priorities, its jus that i have wasted more than basic significant numeric value of chances to be in a such a stage to write this statement. i jus think i am fit into a frame that i cant move out and neither do i have a positive frame of mind to prepare for anything else. Infact bloggin is a big attempt after havng a tragedy in the GRE exam. But priority is most important. now that the Job is the only chance that i have and i have to accept it in any way it comes so be it the villain i go with and be it the vamp i work with , i have to neglect, infact pushing away them and work towards somthing different. not the Job, but something i know is not the Job.
Any word if really meant is too heavy to comprehend and for sure priority is in the top list..i think there are so many prioroties in many things like chosing between one and not the other wud give me somehting and take away from me something for sure. be it wht to eat, whether to reply or talk or no, go outside or no, shud i apply here or no, shud i go anywhere, shud i join CTS or no, shud i wait or no, shud i be happy or sad....
Perhaps in some situations too much analysis causes problems rather than simple decisions like chance.. perhaps people who talk and think less and simple are well "placed" than over-planned like many. I think many times that i shud be balanced in all occasions whtver happens or get response for everything. hmmm.. the right word is nonplussed.. neither do i have a bad sense of humour nor am i a clown.. The more things i learn , i presume the nearer i am getting to where i am supposed to go. I know for sure that this is not the place i am waiting for my incarnations to go in and i am not going to find a person like THE ARCHITECT(aka Matrix architect) to tell me i have reached the right place and all bullshit.. perhaps i have to be mentally, intellectually manipulated and modified for something better and nothign more than that.. I seriously have lost all the happiness that i planned for and jus think whtver comes on the way is the thing we have to be abreast with.. I have been going so far in both brave and coward ways and one shud includin me shud accept that one is responsible for whtver happens and therefore wait whtver one has to get..
Movies are now a days a rare thing. doing lot of image manipulation and sound mainpulation and perhaps after the tuitions, shud run off from all these things and come back with the call.!!!
Observation makes learning.
Learning leads to doing.
doing to knowing.
knowing to understanding.
understanding to prioritizing.
prioritizing to communion.
communion to perfection..
This might be one of the posts which took me lot of time to come and perhaps things have been jus too .......(any adjective i use would be controversial)..It has been jus fair and nothing else.. Its jus that some people who have been stopped talking with me from quite some time have had a resurrection of their behaviour towards me. On a bad note, its jus that i have abruptly cancelled one of my biggest dream to sing( A Karaoke Program). The time i was planning for it, i was planning for it too much and GOD i was learning photoshop and all.Things make me jus so different for the event that i thin.. perhaps saturation is jus inching and i am almost on the verge of getting dfrnt and ugly. esp when there are threads like second aniversary and all..I see my thoughts sway suddenly somewhere the body is automatically teleported to a place like in the song" Dance of the Death", " They took me to a place unholy, and then danced and tranced with them".. Perhaps music is created, as told by raghu either to vent out; when under effect of drugs or in utter depression, perhaps thts when the real comes out and then music comes out, the incredible guitar solo sometimes, cant imagine.hmmm
Coming to priorities, its jus that i have wasted more than basic significant numeric value of chances to be in a such a stage to write this statement. i jus think i am fit into a frame that i cant move out and neither do i have a positive frame of mind to prepare for anything else. Infact bloggin is a big attempt after havng a tragedy in the GRE exam. But priority is most important. now that the Job is the only chance that i have and i have to accept it in any way it comes so be it the villain i go with and be it the vamp i work with , i have to neglect, infact pushing away them and work towards somthing different. not the Job, but something i know is not the Job.
Any word if really meant is too heavy to comprehend and for sure priority is in the top list..i think there are so many prioroties in many things like chosing between one and not the other wud give me somehting and take away from me something for sure. be it wht to eat, whether to reply or talk or no, go outside or no, shud i apply here or no, shud i go anywhere, shud i join CTS or no, shud i wait or no, shud i be happy or sad....
Perhaps in some situations too much analysis causes problems rather than simple decisions like chance.. perhaps people who talk and think less and simple are well "placed" than over-planned like many. I think many times that i shud be balanced in all occasions whtver happens or get response for everything. hmmm.. the right word is nonplussed.. neither do i have a bad sense of humour nor am i a clown.. The more things i learn , i presume the nearer i am getting to where i am supposed to go. I know for sure that this is not the place i am waiting for my incarnations to go in and i am not going to find a person like THE ARCHITECT(aka Matrix architect) to tell me i have reached the right place and all bullshit.. perhaps i have to be mentally, intellectually manipulated and modified for something better and nothign more than that.. I seriously have lost all the happiness that i planned for and jus think whtver comes on the way is the thing we have to be abreast with.. I have been going so far in both brave and coward ways and one shud includin me shud accept that one is responsible for whtver happens and therefore wait whtver one has to get..
Movies are now a days a rare thing. doing lot of image manipulation and sound mainpulation and perhaps after the tuitions, shud run off from all these things and come back with the call.!!!
Observation makes learning.
Learning leads to doing.
doing to knowing.
knowing to understanding.
understanding to prioritizing.
prioritizing to communion.
communion to perfection..
Monday, March 16, 2009
After that what....
In case of peril and utter despair, when the Freudo sees no alternative to move ahead anywhere, he undergoes a painful time with gollum, where he does not know whether gollum is the person who might take him to the mountain and he has to trust whtver he says and wherever he goes. Is this what is happening to most of the common.
I seriously think the making and cutting off of a relationship is jus one great phenomena. its starts off with the matching of the interests and pledgin each one that they might well be the best couple around and each one assures that the world contains more than VIBGYOR when both unite. all fine. when a fight come, the situation actually starts to get stable than to lose control which is, a person can do anything to be with the other and yet a sorry cud have dont the trick which when brings ego in each... Then as summer comes ice melts, people melt, either both or one, and then things come back to normalcy..
There are situations when one needs to ponder about a word called "push" or"drive" which literally means the move ahead.. There are some forms of living which exist and grow when the "Evolution"pushes them to the higher level for reasons unknown. There is a category of Human beings where the equations are dependent on more than one variable. We drive on our own and then the drive from the "Evolution' comes and sometimes without effort we are driven.. These statements shud be figuratively understood for in times of despair, its my "push "that matters and we feel it to be cumbersome and when in time of happiness, we are pushed.
Its a common fact that we dont get what we want now and others get it when they dont want it. Another thing that might make some people think is about the direction we are mostly taken into.. If i was a mechanical engineer(might be for reasons unknown lol..), i was getting into touch relating to people who were well versed in mechanical engg and all and suddenly i like some other job whch is no where related to wht i am supposed to and i do that my entire life.. every time i get a news or an item makes me think abt what i am supposed to do but i dont do.. Its like i always could knew i had good arm power with deceptiveness in my arm action. i chose to play badminton when i had to tryout with cricket.
Movies are on an all time low this fortnight with the complettion of seeing all the Oscar-nominated movies. i gave into myself some serious experimenting with playing both cricket and badminton( no refernce to the example above). and tried to see hope rather than dim luck. As Dumbledore says "Once again i ask too much of u harry" still remains my fav one liner. The Tom Riddle kid is real good and looking forward to see the postponed picture.
Everytime i think to say something nothing comes out from me, something comes out from me when i start to share wht i think.
straight morals:
deserved people give everything, undeserved people get eveything.
luck made me unlucky
The impossiblest question to answer: Who is this GOD man anyway?
and
people havin good arm power, dont leave playing badminton and start playing cricket..
I seriously think the making and cutting off of a relationship is jus one great phenomena. its starts off with the matching of the interests and pledgin each one that they might well be the best couple around and each one assures that the world contains more than VIBGYOR when both unite. all fine. when a fight come, the situation actually starts to get stable than to lose control which is, a person can do anything to be with the other and yet a sorry cud have dont the trick which when brings ego in each... Then as summer comes ice melts, people melt, either both or one, and then things come back to normalcy..
There are situations when one needs to ponder about a word called "push" or"drive" which literally means the move ahead.. There are some forms of living which exist and grow when the "Evolution"pushes them to the higher level for reasons unknown. There is a category of Human beings where the equations are dependent on more than one variable. We drive on our own and then the drive from the "Evolution' comes and sometimes without effort we are driven.. These statements shud be figuratively understood for in times of despair, its my "push "that matters and we feel it to be cumbersome and when in time of happiness, we are pushed.
Its a common fact that we dont get what we want now and others get it when they dont want it. Another thing that might make some people think is about the direction we are mostly taken into.. If i was a mechanical engineer(might be for reasons unknown lol..), i was getting into touch relating to people who were well versed in mechanical engg and all and suddenly i like some other job whch is no where related to wht i am supposed to and i do that my entire life.. every time i get a news or an item makes me think abt what i am supposed to do but i dont do.. Its like i always could knew i had good arm power with deceptiveness in my arm action. i chose to play badminton when i had to tryout with cricket.
Movies are on an all time low this fortnight with the complettion of seeing all the Oscar-nominated movies. i gave into myself some serious experimenting with playing both cricket and badminton( no refernce to the example above). and tried to see hope rather than dim luck. As Dumbledore says "Once again i ask too much of u harry" still remains my fav one liner. The Tom Riddle kid is real good and looking forward to see the postponed picture.
Everytime i think to say something nothing comes out from me, something comes out from me when i start to share wht i think.
straight morals:
deserved people give everything, undeserved people get eveything.
luck made me unlucky
The impossiblest question to answer: Who is this GOD man anyway?
and
people havin good arm power, dont leave playing badminton and start playing cricket..
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
All about that does not matter much
Well this may be said as the beginnning of what i am thinking of and perhaps it must be what blogging or writing must ultimately lead me to.. seeing the positive side of this. i wanted to engage myself in good neat truths. I am not what i am now. Infact every moment either i start to go away from the goal or towards it. perhaps the more i traverse in that zone i might know the difficulty of having a sustained position of mine on the path. As said"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking on it". Deducing things to simpler quanta or humane levels of understandability actually in some terms attenuates the real gist of the content. We try to get the idea, understand it but never try to see whts behind or before or beholding the idea. Therefore we never seem to appreciate the gravity or the beauty in the making of Things.
We cant choose between the choices we never understand and therefore it would be totally premature to interpret or expect the future as it would totally kill concepts like creativity and spontaneity. One should ask oneself how can one want to know the future when he believes on instinct, creativity and natural flair. As The Oracle says " We cant make any choice, its already made, jus need to understand why we have made that choice".
I sometimes ponder why wud we try to prove our talents, the nature of competiton, to prove better than OTHERS, forcibly supressing ourselves to do to push down others in a ladder climb, but never to climb on our own irrespective of anybody with u or without u. Its jus that we have a template in our mind that says" SETTLED FUTURE" and anythign and everything we do should be modulated and transformed into that template. Perhaps too scared of the other templates..? Never do we have assimilated the term "Relativity". we have been taught the concepts in their extreme levels. sad x happy, good x bad, rich x poor and so on.. we need to learn the concepts on a 1 to 10 scale the 1st one and the 10th one. never knew what vocabulary was between the word and the antonym. perhaps some were able to like.." a little, not much, satifactory, average but cud never be quantified".Perhaps the language has an inert limitation in it. If its rich, how much? i say Bill Gates and that means he is like a 10/10 definition of rich and suppose for Christ's sake somebody tries to earn or surpass him or he becomes less. it shudnt infer somehting more than 10 liek a 10.1 superlative clause cant be quantified neither be constant.
If there was a person named GOD and he created the earth and made all the beings in it ingnorant of the reality and made believe that his power is limited to this planet(This delusion exists in every Form of living). seeing how hopelessly we depend on material that might be simple combination of matter and pure illusion created by our sense organs, what would his reaction be..? Lets have an analogy, Its like a computer game, u create the characters and the plot and the environment around them and when the character loses his way and start to make mockery of himself , not serving the purpose(actually lost his path to the ultimate destination), what would our reaction be.? angry , sad, pity, funny or urge to help him..? I suppose this might well be the most difficult circumstance for that man called GOD.?
Is our existence the beginning of anything or the end or is the transition.? Are the people around us "different arrangements' of the same folk we have been seeing for eras together.? by studying in a school, by goin to a college, by working, by earning and struggling for food and money, by emotions, by attachments, by our entire existence what is the purpose we are serving.? Wud our daily activites(whatever it may be from our getting up to eating or doing any desirable or undesirable thing) helping anything or moving us to some other level of understanding? There are some questions in eternity that drive eternity, when answered, the process stops. Every activity is based on an universial axiom(axiom is a rule that does not need to be justified or proved) i.e everything has a reason behind its happening and the other is we are moving..
We cant choose between the choices we never understand and therefore it would be totally premature to interpret or expect the future as it would totally kill concepts like creativity and spontaneity. One should ask oneself how can one want to know the future when he believes on instinct, creativity and natural flair. As The Oracle says " We cant make any choice, its already made, jus need to understand why we have made that choice".
I sometimes ponder why wud we try to prove our talents, the nature of competiton, to prove better than OTHERS, forcibly supressing ourselves to do to push down others in a ladder climb, but never to climb on our own irrespective of anybody with u or without u. Its jus that we have a template in our mind that says" SETTLED FUTURE" and anythign and everything we do should be modulated and transformed into that template. Perhaps too scared of the other templates..? Never do we have assimilated the term "Relativity". we have been taught the concepts in their extreme levels. sad x happy, good x bad, rich x poor and so on.. we need to learn the concepts on a 1 to 10 scale the 1st one and the 10th one. never knew what vocabulary was between the word and the antonym. perhaps some were able to like.." a little, not much, satifactory, average but cud never be quantified".Perhaps the language has an inert limitation in it. If its rich, how much? i say Bill Gates and that means he is like a 10/10 definition of rich and suppose for Christ's sake somebody tries to earn or surpass him or he becomes less. it shudnt infer somehting more than 10 liek a 10.1 superlative clause cant be quantified neither be constant.
If there was a person named GOD and he created the earth and made all the beings in it ingnorant of the reality and made believe that his power is limited to this planet(This delusion exists in every Form of living). seeing how hopelessly we depend on material that might be simple combination of matter and pure illusion created by our sense organs, what would his reaction be..? Lets have an analogy, Its like a computer game, u create the characters and the plot and the environment around them and when the character loses his way and start to make mockery of himself , not serving the purpose(actually lost his path to the ultimate destination), what would our reaction be.? angry , sad, pity, funny or urge to help him..? I suppose this might well be the most difficult circumstance for that man called GOD.?
Is our existence the beginning of anything or the end or is the transition.? Are the people around us "different arrangements' of the same folk we have been seeing for eras together.? by studying in a school, by goin to a college, by working, by earning and struggling for food and money, by emotions, by attachments, by our entire existence what is the purpose we are serving.? Wud our daily activites(whatever it may be from our getting up to eating or doing any desirable or undesirable thing) helping anything or moving us to some other level of understanding? There are some questions in eternity that drive eternity, when answered, the process stops. Every activity is based on an universial axiom(axiom is a rule that does not need to be justified or proved) i.e everything has a reason behind its happening and the other is we are moving..
Monday, January 19, 2009
Infinite Element Analysis
Dono what is going on.. everything seems to be so spontaneous and all that its jus coming to tell somethng and go. after i came back from chennai and was searching jobs and all and no hope almost form CTS, i thot i shud subsequently change the track of my change, i jus applied for Allen and dono why everything went on so smooth that the questions jus tailor made for the project i did in BHEL and i should be grateful to whatever i learnt and due to whom ever i got that chance. I jus thought i would be growing very fast here as the facilities and all were so tempting that they projects that i had to work in were govt. projects, so i thot it was okie.. more than acceptable. then started twists as expected.. CTS calls CSE IT ECE in two days and all in hyd only.. EEE also same almost and next also in short notice.. twas like mummy rose up from tomb and talking again.. cudnt have expected this,, and that clause in the offer letter of improper intimation and liquiidty charges.. i thot so it was important to control the things i knew rather than spilling it around and repenting again.. so thot that i shud wait for CTS and nothig else, when its sure that he wil call..
Job in Allen was a A/c Cabin in the QC room with a 240 Gb HD and 4 Gb ram wihtout TFT screen and lots of work that i liked to do.. room full of instruments and things that i fantasized about.. files abt Navy projects, Mines and detonators, explosives. i got a shudder when i was modeeling a rocket launcher for BDL which was a part that we had to manufactire as well.. an attachment to the submarine for coastal intruders. too much. Honestly, i wanted to work for some time. Going to CPDC for that analsysis,, i started to assemble In PRO-E and analyse in Nastran Solver and explaining things that i found difficult.. reading FEA textbook while eating..
Weirdness reached its height when i starte to do FEA analysis on a Hat when a person would wear it and then started to make an optimum design with Nastran things in UG and then interpretting Autocad drawings to model my fst real time model the ANSP container.. looked really a great piece to me..those supports and the container when i saw in the factory, i thot the platform was set to learn and deliver with utmost precision.. why do things come and go at the wrong time. i told them all the experiments i solid works and my fst successfull assembly in simulation software was done.. Quality Control things and their impact.. BHN, Rockwell, delamination and al..mind was floating and all in that room.. In the typical Harry potter funda, there was a room in the fourth floor where we cud get whatver we wanted and wished inside that room,, The Room Of Requirement.. this was also on the similar lines.,
Things started to change. all was appreciated, no errors also,... like ansys, irrespective for whatver bullshit we enter, it always tells us SOLUTION IS DONE!!!, and my ever model was appreciated... haha blues in the room.. sitting and thinking what to learn and talking abt cleaning systems.. was telling how they were under using the facilities,, and how shud we upkeep.. daily hours on phone for doubts from KLN.. were sort of kinky.. preoccupied no online.. formals WILLS shirt and all.. telling the technical things in manufacturing whatver i knew.. but it sort of jagged after some days and then after reading that clause i thot. time up.. no remake of The Great Escape Movie.. lol..
In Short,
"Solid" was too "big" to "analyze". wherever i "imported" and how muchver i try to "fit" the solution to the "question", suddenly a "new dimension or a problem" is always created and perhaps every new problem was the way to a "better" and "Convergent" Answer towards the real answer that probably i was waiting for.. I learnt that i had to use the "Fine" mesh rather than the "coarse" one.. and like that CPDC Expert said.. "Observe the Problem from the Base and not superficially"..
This is in short Living "In" finite "Element" Analysis
Job in Allen was a A/c Cabin in the QC room with a 240 Gb HD and 4 Gb ram wihtout TFT screen and lots of work that i liked to do.. room full of instruments and things that i fantasized about.. files abt Navy projects, Mines and detonators, explosives. i got a shudder when i was modeeling a rocket launcher for BDL which was a part that we had to manufactire as well.. an attachment to the submarine for coastal intruders. too much. Honestly, i wanted to work for some time. Going to CPDC for that analsysis,, i started to assemble In PRO-E and analyse in Nastran Solver and explaining things that i found difficult.. reading FEA textbook while eating..
Weirdness reached its height when i starte to do FEA analysis on a Hat when a person would wear it and then started to make an optimum design with Nastran things in UG and then interpretting Autocad drawings to model my fst real time model the ANSP container.. looked really a great piece to me..those supports and the container when i saw in the factory, i thot the platform was set to learn and deliver with utmost precision.. why do things come and go at the wrong time. i told them all the experiments i solid works and my fst successfull assembly in simulation software was done.. Quality Control things and their impact.. BHN, Rockwell, delamination and al..mind was floating and all in that room.. In the typical Harry potter funda, there was a room in the fourth floor where we cud get whatver we wanted and wished inside that room,, The Room Of Requirement.. this was also on the similar lines.,
Things started to change. all was appreciated, no errors also,... like ansys, irrespective for whatver bullshit we enter, it always tells us SOLUTION IS DONE!!!, and my ever model was appreciated... haha blues in the room.. sitting and thinking what to learn and talking abt cleaning systems.. was telling how they were under using the facilities,, and how shud we upkeep.. daily hours on phone for doubts from KLN.. were sort of kinky.. preoccupied no online.. formals WILLS shirt and all.. telling the technical things in manufacturing whatver i knew.. but it sort of jagged after some days and then after reading that clause i thot. time up.. no remake of The Great Escape Movie.. lol..
In Short,
"Solid" was too "big" to "analyze". wherever i "imported" and how muchver i try to "fit" the solution to the "question", suddenly a "new dimension or a problem" is always created and perhaps every new problem was the way to a "better" and "Convergent" Answer towards the real answer that probably i was waiting for.. I learnt that i had to use the "Fine" mesh rather than the "coarse" one.. and like that CPDC Expert said.. "Observe the Problem from the Base and not superficially"..
This is in short Living "In" finite "Element" Analysis
Friday, January 2, 2009
Sindbad the Sailor
Well the song jus describes what can probably and what is going on in most of the lives and i certainly think the song wil prove itself right. I am back on track listenign the Socha hai song from rock on and shredding invisible guitar with karaoke. for an instant almost i lose myself and then close my eyes and start giving a regular rhythmic nod of the head to the beats and keep an stressed expression when the tone lifts up or the guitar reaches to a high tone..Its jus like bliss when i give a build up of the music director for this song.
Taking a lot of patience together to complete the Broca's Brain book by Carl Sagan and i learnt and surprisingly affirmed one law. Human Life in so integral with the Newtons Laws. Every person is either too low to too high(inertia). somebody has to stop or to push to change the state of a person and on one;s own its not possible.Days before in the Adyar beach in Chennnai , i woke up one morning around 5 in the morning and then started jus walking on the beach and then after an hour so, sat down and was observing things that are so intricate and yet so open for all to observe. I think biggest secrets and principles are so open and visible. We cant identify. I think if v wanna hide anything if v keep it in a place much more open, the chances to lose that are less. Things like sand deposited by the water in every wave, the Horizon, the place where the wave actually generates and the shells that come out and when i knew the story of a pearl, which was, every sand particle when trapped in an oyster shell and in the bed due to the pressure and heat and forces, it turns into a pearl. i was imagining the beach as a potential for the number of possible pearls.It feels so good so sit alone in the beach and thinking how complex things have turned up. tensions, study, work, money,relationships, attraction, self-consciousness and many things. I suppose everybody have a place where they sit alone and think , where am i, whts happening to me, what am i doing, what do i like and why am i here, questions that keep answering itself repeatedly in glimpses and we have to compile it.
I sometimes think a words that come frm a great realized person are highly practical things and its takes time to understand the depth of their talk. like" The Word is nt the thing", "let go","After that what?"... these phrases follow after everything we do and we get the right answer for this and the answer comes from the so called Peter England Inner man. Most time we supress and at times when needed it doesnot come out. Sometimes when i think the concept of communication, the globe has a become a smaller place to live in and for sure i know anymode of expression or communication physically cannot convey what we actually want to say and perhaps the best way to convey is to leave them to experience. I think if everybody is doing what they are supposed to do and all in place. the creation would be one piece or work and perfection would be attained i.e death, whereafter there is no growth and since none is happening like above, every thing is happenign for reason and as said by morpheus" We cannot understand beyond the choices we cant make" and evil is churning people to do good better and the concept is not to a contrast at all, instead an alternate route to acheive the same..
I have literally got mad about the song in Surya s/o krishnan, Yaedhe ne koyakey,, the female and the male voice. the song looks tailor made for a classic tune. I stil wear my brown jerkin in front of the "companion". The scene in the night looks like Neo entering the room to meet the Acrhitect in Matrix Reloaded and then sipping hot water with Socha hai and yaedha Ney Koyakey banging and with blogger.com in,As always i cant ask for more...
Taking a lot of patience together to complete the Broca's Brain book by Carl Sagan and i learnt and surprisingly affirmed one law. Human Life in so integral with the Newtons Laws. Every person is either too low to too high(inertia). somebody has to stop or to push to change the state of a person and on one;s own its not possible.Days before in the Adyar beach in Chennnai , i woke up one morning around 5 in the morning and then started jus walking on the beach and then after an hour so, sat down and was observing things that are so intricate and yet so open for all to observe. I think biggest secrets and principles are so open and visible. We cant identify. I think if v wanna hide anything if v keep it in a place much more open, the chances to lose that are less. Things like sand deposited by the water in every wave, the Horizon, the place where the wave actually generates and the shells that come out and when i knew the story of a pearl, which was, every sand particle when trapped in an oyster shell and in the bed due to the pressure and heat and forces, it turns into a pearl. i was imagining the beach as a potential for the number of possible pearls.It feels so good so sit alone in the beach and thinking how complex things have turned up. tensions, study, work, money,relationships, attraction, self-consciousness and many things. I suppose everybody have a place where they sit alone and think , where am i, whts happening to me, what am i doing, what do i like and why am i here, questions that keep answering itself repeatedly in glimpses and we have to compile it.
I sometimes think a words that come frm a great realized person are highly practical things and its takes time to understand the depth of their talk. like" The Word is nt the thing", "let go","After that what?"... these phrases follow after everything we do and we get the right answer for this and the answer comes from the so called Peter England Inner man. Most time we supress and at times when needed it doesnot come out. Sometimes when i think the concept of communication, the globe has a become a smaller place to live in and for sure i know anymode of expression or communication physically cannot convey what we actually want to say and perhaps the best way to convey is to leave them to experience. I think if everybody is doing what they are supposed to do and all in place. the creation would be one piece or work and perfection would be attained i.e death, whereafter there is no growth and since none is happening like above, every thing is happenign for reason and as said by morpheus" We cannot understand beyond the choices we cant make" and evil is churning people to do good better and the concept is not to a contrast at all, instead an alternate route to acheive the same..
I have literally got mad about the song in Surya s/o krishnan, Yaedhe ne koyakey,, the female and the male voice. the song looks tailor made for a classic tune. I stil wear my brown jerkin in front of the "companion". The scene in the night looks like Neo entering the room to meet the Acrhitect in Matrix Reloaded and then sipping hot water with Socha hai and yaedha Ney Koyakey banging and with blogger.com in,As always i cant ask for more...
Surprising Evolution
Cometh the new year with a hope to make things right(kinda satisfy the expectation we have, atleast normalcy).
Been quite a time tht i have been coming and writing. Actually i have been in a fix to write the blog. when i was too full of ideas i was not connected to write and when i was drained of thoughts and almost like had a sort of Memento thing, i was free to blog and was thinking wht to write. anyways it was a thoughtful trip to chennai and certainly i think it made my change my outlook and made me realize the other things i could do in my time i was in reality, wasting, and the preferences whch i had to give people, freinds, movies, .. be it anything and perhaps i suppose thts the most important thing tht anybody shud be able to do before he is into the world he has no idea how ruthless, rountine and unpredictable it can be. I supposed the lesson can be learnt in two ways , in office and at home and i have been thru it by being at home and certainly at home, we get more time to think than at work and then the vitriolic effect may be seen here. If this is not a part of one's life, he would be missing things that we are actually experiencing now, whether happy or sad, its for good.
Been through a flurry of movies, ghajini and the most important of all was slumdog millionaire. It was an eye opener, esp the last one. how did he get the answer to the final question in the contest.
a) he knew it
b) was told
c) guess
d)IT WAS WRITTEN HE HAD TO WIN
A perfect blend of perfect direction and the stories he told, how he knew the answers for the question. almost tailor made for a perfect film. seen some films as well like where eagles dare, the age old collection of Clint Eastwood with the typical one liners that the captain used to say along with impossible ideas and feats. Been reading books like How to interpret dreams and Thought Forms by C.W.Leadbeater. from the roots of the Theosophical Society.
Perhaps here i am today after i churned my self sitting in beaches in the night and realizing my evolution. How my habits were nurtured, why i fear when anybody raises his voice. why i need anybody when i get alone and never had the habit to stay alone. how i supress and depress myself to let out my sadness instead of tellin outside.
Its said a lie is told to escape or to gain support, though when told back the truth again, things get back but the lie piles up and never exists as a single lie and perhaps the self gets satisfies very fast that it has escaped and there wud be never a lie in the next situation and then when the situation we cant help it.
Today in the evening after my nap, i was feeling i was jus on the verge of dying. i was aware of a session like a reel back show of what all i did and what happened to me, with and without my knowledge and then like a trial balance shows whts the Karma we are left over with. I jus got up with a jerk and realized what i was doing and how complex life was, settling off and creating "new" accounts and how i should be dealing with them off to be normal. like from negative value to come to zero and then further positive work.
When mom was telling i was very fluctuating with my health while i was small and then living separately when amma was unwell. people behaved sort of different with me and that at a young age ,carved something in me , my habits, my thought process and sometimes supressed, didnt know what how i cud vent out my sadness, my helplessness, i used to close myself in a room and refused to come out instead of telling to anyone and thus i started to close myself with others and very little was i like others and then i was forced to "flow" into an ideal mould that would perhaps make me perfect in the future and i lost what i had to do.
My childhood is almost repeating now with similar things happening again with me escaping by depending on frnds, people and they playing when they know i am totally on them and then i taking time to find someone. i felt very sad that i was like transferred from one to another and then i never had any conscience of my own and tht was the problem i was facing. Many say dont sit at home and get busy. thoughts in the mind dont have a sort of gate to stop their flow and control. dono what wil come from where and depends what preference we gave to those thoughts and we can supress not stop and if people are not getting those thoughts, its jus that thoughts are not creating any impact on the mind and its from my childhood upbringng, there are very less things i have hidden and suddenly when hiding or talking formally is a rule in the rule, its taking time for me to get accustomed to this environment. I am now a days fearing to meet anyone because they got adjusted fast unlike me and there are very little people who encourage me and mostly cry or pity or talk professional shit like recession and job sacking and stuff as if nobody knew abt it.. when i am in the waters in the pool and not able to swim. coming and pushing in further , is what can be an analogy.
I certainly realize i am not the only one like me who is getting affected like this. i jus think one thing what Mr. Hegde told in his public lecture;
Where one can sleep four can sit
Where one can sit, three can stand.
and i think i should co-operate with people around me and try with much efforts and i certainly believe the Force that drives everything, i believe when things are ready for me, i wil punch off into different platform making this a rememberance and nothign more.
Been quite a time tht i have been coming and writing. Actually i have been in a fix to write the blog. when i was too full of ideas i was not connected to write and when i was drained of thoughts and almost like had a sort of Memento thing, i was free to blog and was thinking wht to write. anyways it was a thoughtful trip to chennai and certainly i think it made my change my outlook and made me realize the other things i could do in my time i was in reality, wasting, and the preferences whch i had to give people, freinds, movies, .. be it anything and perhaps i suppose thts the most important thing tht anybody shud be able to do before he is into the world he has no idea how ruthless, rountine and unpredictable it can be. I supposed the lesson can be learnt in two ways , in office and at home and i have been thru it by being at home and certainly at home, we get more time to think than at work and then the vitriolic effect may be seen here. If this is not a part of one's life, he would be missing things that we are actually experiencing now, whether happy or sad, its for good.
Been through a flurry of movies, ghajini and the most important of all was slumdog millionaire. It was an eye opener, esp the last one. how did he get the answer to the final question in the contest.
a) he knew it
b) was told
c) guess
d)IT WAS WRITTEN HE HAD TO WIN
A perfect blend of perfect direction and the stories he told, how he knew the answers for the question. almost tailor made for a perfect film. seen some films as well like where eagles dare, the age old collection of Clint Eastwood with the typical one liners that the captain used to say along with impossible ideas and feats. Been reading books like How to interpret dreams and Thought Forms by C.W.Leadbeater. from the roots of the Theosophical Society.
Perhaps here i am today after i churned my self sitting in beaches in the night and realizing my evolution. How my habits were nurtured, why i fear when anybody raises his voice. why i need anybody when i get alone and never had the habit to stay alone. how i supress and depress myself to let out my sadness instead of tellin outside.
Its said a lie is told to escape or to gain support, though when told back the truth again, things get back but the lie piles up and never exists as a single lie and perhaps the self gets satisfies very fast that it has escaped and there wud be never a lie in the next situation and then when the situation we cant help it.
Today in the evening after my nap, i was feeling i was jus on the verge of dying. i was aware of a session like a reel back show of what all i did and what happened to me, with and without my knowledge and then like a trial balance shows whts the Karma we are left over with. I jus got up with a jerk and realized what i was doing and how complex life was, settling off and creating "new" accounts and how i should be dealing with them off to be normal. like from negative value to come to zero and then further positive work.
When mom was telling i was very fluctuating with my health while i was small and then living separately when amma was unwell. people behaved sort of different with me and that at a young age ,carved something in me , my habits, my thought process and sometimes supressed, didnt know what how i cud vent out my sadness, my helplessness, i used to close myself in a room and refused to come out instead of telling to anyone and thus i started to close myself with others and very little was i like others and then i was forced to "flow" into an ideal mould that would perhaps make me perfect in the future and i lost what i had to do.
My childhood is almost repeating now with similar things happening again with me escaping by depending on frnds, people and they playing when they know i am totally on them and then i taking time to find someone. i felt very sad that i was like transferred from one to another and then i never had any conscience of my own and tht was the problem i was facing. Many say dont sit at home and get busy. thoughts in the mind dont have a sort of gate to stop their flow and control. dono what wil come from where and depends what preference we gave to those thoughts and we can supress not stop and if people are not getting those thoughts, its jus that thoughts are not creating any impact on the mind and its from my childhood upbringng, there are very less things i have hidden and suddenly when hiding or talking formally is a rule in the rule, its taking time for me to get accustomed to this environment. I am now a days fearing to meet anyone because they got adjusted fast unlike me and there are very little people who encourage me and mostly cry or pity or talk professional shit like recession and job sacking and stuff as if nobody knew abt it.. when i am in the waters in the pool and not able to swim. coming and pushing in further , is what can be an analogy.
I certainly realize i am not the only one like me who is getting affected like this. i jus think one thing what Mr. Hegde told in his public lecture;
Where one can sleep four can sit
Where one can sit, three can stand.
and i think i should co-operate with people around me and try with much efforts and i certainly believe the Force that drives everything, i believe when things are ready for me, i wil punch off into different platform making this a rememberance and nothign more.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)