Do i see myself in the making
Scolding, crying, repenting and understanding.
Breaking up and having so many patches,
The rising of a dead Phoenix from its ashes.
The less i spoke, the more i heard,
made me separate from my herd.
I ask the heavens above,
Why isn't thou giving me the answers now.?
The Title is one of the few golden truths that THE JOKER tells about life. Every incident that occurs almost is true, perhaps the perception may not be true. The perception of a glass half filled with water is viewed in two ways. The person whose mental frame is set in pessimism, sees it half empty, where as the latter sees it half filled. Its the perception that governs a system, firm, mind and life. The person who is 40 years claims he is two thirds in grave when 60 yrs is the limit. There is so much problem with people who get close to us. There is either a chance of them getting totally confident on us that they doubt on us so much, if we do anything on our own and something different from the set mental frame in their mind. This thing breeds something called as conditioning and doubt in some cases. Possesivenness neither allows the person free and neither you free. Honestly and indeed i have suffered and have been a victim of both the cases. The worst thing is expectation from a person who is mostly instantaneous and basically friendly with all. The worst part is , when we get close to that person. He expect him/ her to fit into my mental frame that any deviation is not intolerable and i start to fluctuate for any change in the person's behaviour. Phew..! Moral of the story, Close, Closer, Closest, Closed :-P...
The human mind is so convenient and comfortable to describe emotions and situations in its language. Perhaps a word called unfair is never a part of any dictionary. Does anything happen to us that is unfair..? There is nothing called unfair and somethin getting unfair is fair. So its jus for us that to understand whts in store for us and perhaps realize our capabilities, strengths, limits and options.! Therefore to know ourselves, we need to primarily have a trial and error method to know ourselves and for sure when we are near our real mark, we wil get closer to wht we actually are. Perhaps sometimes i think, having a power like telepathy or reading other minds would not have created all these complications. Perhaps not having this faculty is fair..!! The irony of life is always as i mentioned, i dont get what i want now and my friend gets it now which he does not want. If everything were to be complete, wholesome and satisfying, there would not be anything called hunt, evolution or any effort to strive for or infact to reach out for.
Perfection is death and never strive for it. As i read things from Carl Sagan, he says anybody who is done with his responsibilities and his material duties, has to think about two things. Beginning and the End of anything. When are my sorrows going to end. when are my happy days going to come. Perhaps THE MATRIX answers everybody, Everything that has a beginning, has an end.
If everything were easy, Perhaps the creation would not be a worthy one. Its been a year long wait and believe it or no. I have being learning things in the most hardest way. Its like getting to learn addition at the age of twenty. Looks easy, but makes you realize easy things are most difficult to learn and the most horrible thing is when u know, u know addition the rest are learning higher things than that, you are declared u dono addition and made to relearn and believe it or no, you forget after addition after some time. Time creates a slack in you and perhaps the energy left in you does not show it VIVA in it. I suppose things have made me more thoughtful towards anything, a sort of stolid and neutral approach towards anything and perhaps, when my frnd tells me that hey did u see the flat beside you.?, Your earlier response would have been, "Ace man, That house looked exactly like the one i think i saw in my dreams," when you know already you are talking bullshit. instead the answer now would be an appreciating "Ya dude"..
As i have written for some of my frnds, in telugu some say, Gaadidhi guddu, kankara peesu. The thoughtful niche makes u think God The Good, Conquer peace. Thoughts get thoughtful. Thinking of a classic slow song like the Man who sold the world -Nirvana or probably New Moon-Twilight Background. Sometimes around 2 or 3 in the night when i start to explore my balcony in the night.(Jab Sara Sheher Sotha Hai, Thab Shyam Balcony mein Ghoomtha Hain..Lol), i ponder so much that thoughts get to condense from my eyes and make me thoughtful about what things have made me to stand there and think about things that has made me see REALITY and perhaps sometime before, i was too timid to stand out and accept and see that. It has been more than managing for the time being before and when time comes when i have to see what i have done, i repent and perhaps everybody has a time for this and i am havin it now and Like said," Everybody wil catch the train, i will too catch, but at the last. "Can busy life surf out more thoughts in me than now, when i have too much to think and nothing to do.?
Growth should never be a constant term when one is static and perhaps he has to outgrow himself as the day finishes. Perhaps we have to outgrow people, emotions and reactions for an event tomorow if there is a case if deja-vu. Perhaps a life is too big a day to outgrow what we have learnt this life and perhaps in the next life have a different approach for the same thing. The beauty of creation is, in any life you never have a deja-vu and always you have to act with your instincts. Growth is such a wonderful phenomenon that makes you fall every moment making you to more stronger to climb higher and know that Life is like a game of cards, The point u think you hold all the cards, you lose most.
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