This is what i call a Face Melter!!

What is the way to know the value of something and know the intrinsic meaning of why like should not get converted into craze. I like Basundhi a lot, my dad says," No rice from tomorrow". Only basundhi.. I am more than happy with his offer.. But as i said in my earlier posts, perhaps enjoying is leading to endjoying. So perhaps as the axiom goes," TMTB- Too Much is Too Bad". As always i am able to see the worst part now. I happened to eat loads of basundi for a day and the other day too, thinking on the postive side, i thought nobody gets rice and i get basundhi. racha!!. the third day as Kota Srinivas Rao in Money movie says," Started trouble. Same card, Names change", same thing i did too. I too thought enough of basundhi and changed back to rice and nice awakai. Figuratively, if we understand the other way, too much of happiness and too much of despair makes man to shift his options and go to something different where he thinks he can be satisfied or something. If for a case, i am made to eat basundhi even if i dont like to. The problem is i dont have an option. In this case if u r made to live between people whom u dont like or something and yet living between them is a sort of test for u.. There are two ways of dealing. Rebel or sustain. Both has growth. You rebel, you come out with your opinions and your talk and get a clarification about what he wants and what you are. The other way is a little tricky. The more u sustain, something like plastic deformation occurs there in your thought process and then U CHANGE. You become silent, you lose taste, You lose the vigour and start to listen and inquire rather than enquire about you. This is the point where u get a lot to think about something that is real and not superficial. While i see the style quotient of the car, you see the mileage. You run, i run sideways to see you that nothign happens to you, You eat, i see nothing falls down. You act, i watch. This is something GOD might be. He is nothing but a silent watcher. As Einstein says," Dont say what GOD should do". Many a oberservation says that if a person is silent most of the times, it means he is ignorant and does not know answers. sometimes like wild card entries there are some people who remain silent , observe and go off and at the end they add lot of value rather than others who talk lot. So not all the times being expressive pays off ans sometimes keeping to one self makes you comprehend a feeling. You are sad, You are homesick, You long or cling to something. Do u think this is the end of the emotion. Is despair the end result of anything. It is not. Anything should bring about a change and emotions bring about a change and change of emotion cannot be defined as a change as such.
When people lose big time, when come tell he never had "luck", He never had good friends with him, he never had good food, most people of this category turn silent and they often talk qualitatively rather than quantitatively and these people are declared "Low". They react to hardly anything, choise is a joke for them and they often avoid groups and gangs. Likes of Ayn Rand rather than a harry potter book. A NatGeo or History Channel documentary rather than a Mtv Roadies. These people cannot be categorized as people who are aloof but care more than usual, but the irony of the fact is when they care more than others, they are not expressive and dont expect much. Yet their words add so much value and weight that they dont remember what they said and rather wil u forget either.
A Story i have been telling to a many but never forget:
Me and my friend were walking on the shores of a beach. I see down on the sand and see there are four foot prints on the sand. I walk along. I am so happy in my life and i see down in the sands again. I see four foot prints. I am happy than my friend is there with me while i am happy to share with me.. I go into deep problems and agony and i still walk on the sands. I close my eyes in despair. I look back. I see when i was in agony, only two foot prints were there instead of four. I cry and i feel i am alone in this world and all friends are with me when i have money. I call back my friend when i happy over again and i ask him why he wasnt there with me when i was sad. He says, "Yes, there were two foot prints. Those were mine. I lifted you when u were in troubles and dint make u feel anything pain." Was i melted more than ever.!!!

More than a thought.. More than a feeling

When u start seeing good happening around you and you are not getting what u think u deserve, two things shud actually come to your mind. One is either you are indifferent or you must be special. the obvious things that happen to these category of people is they get flashes of hopes which make them to stick on to what they were sticking to these many days. It may mean it it might be for good or sometimes it might be a hint that there are better things waiting and the flash was jus to prove that it was more than time waste that we are waiting for things that we are not eligible for or we should be doing something more than our calibre and that we are not steadfast to it. Perhaps the most easiest thing to do is to talk and talk of that sort never carries weight. When your talk comes after you have experienced and tell a moral of your experience, the words carry more than weight. Lip sympathy infact sympathy are of no use and we should not waste our emotions on things or incidents that we know are for good and perhaps as i said time and radio heals every things. A cry, laugh, like , dislike, tension, happiness, struggle or infact life.. everything is so effortlessly moving that we fail to understand the motive of all these things happening around us. I feel sad now that i am doing nothing now. i feel happy in the evening that i dont have problems like them and not far from our parents and i am still waking up at 10 in the morning. In the night i feel i am wasted and sit and see where i am when many of my friends are moving ahead. I feel more than satisified with a nice Thumbs up in my mouth, i feel sad i cant spend as much as them. I feel happy when i go on raghu's bike with sweat on my face giving me a cooling effect. I feel sad when i see someone in Full Shirts Formals. Perhaps there are always some comprimises that one has to make to decide what he has to do for a period of time. If i get a job, i should change myself perhaps i wil get changed and should change economically, mentally, and perhaps verbally too. Growth is such a phenomenon that gives us something and takes away from us too something and perhaps that things should not be with us. Honestly till now what ever i liked or needed most, i go away from it or perhaps i struggle more than others but i add value to it and i make sure that i do more than justice and see i am unique not indifferent. I need to study , go to US but i miss parents and friends. I like to get a job but i cant struggle more and want to go to shuttle at 5 sharp. i want lot of salary and no taxes. I want AC around me and not the heat that comes out of it. I want life full of happiness and not the other part. One question is that if u want all the happiness, there is also sadness and if everytime everybody thinks they are fair in what they do in their life, why you get the happiness and why me get the despair..?
I see sometimes looking outside the window of the bus sometimes all the people are in such a hurry in accomplishing all things. when i start walking silently sometmes to the shuttle ground, if i observe myself carefully, i talk, i smile, i show many mixed emotions, run fast, sing or hum that i cant observe and others see with ease. the converse happens too. Seriously our mind is too big , too complex hmmm machine which keeps on doing so much work that it makes look anything small and un noticeable. But the irony is it transforms everything around it when its too happy or too sad. The world and people around us looks so good and so green and so musical when things go our way and then when we dont get what we get, frustration cries through our mind, hands getting itchy to beat some one without reason, angry for losing one serve in a game, remaining silent when u were always blaberring before when u were happy. Fluctuation, happiness healing to despair and converse happening. Making the mind more strong, making the emotions come out rarely and appropriately. Getting the balanced outlook towards everything. Perhaps inching towards something better and everytime we think we dont want anything and everything comes on its own when needed is the state when all things start to settle and perhaps preparing us for something better. The mind or the brain whatever makes me tell this, talk like this has total power to change my outlook and at present is most fluctuatin. The most educated person when i see crying, i feel the power of mind. Perhaps knowing is nothing when compared to understanding.Understandin is nothing in front of feeling.

Beyond all thoughts are you
Complex u r that u leave no clue
Be it a water in the form of dew
Or the tears which came from the blue
Happening is it, falsehood or true
Closer u drew
I learnt , the stronger i grew.!!

Providence or Coincidence?

I am on the edge of a mountain and i am jus about to fall into that, i have somethin like the ring that freudo has, and somebody needs it and i am ready to fall into that, i hold on to a rock while the person who needs the ring bollywoodically slips down and falls into the lava and i come up emphatically up..(scene change).. I see my school classmate coming to my college and then tells mehow i have been.I talk for some time and suddenly somebody hits me from back.All shout.(teleport) I see myself sitting in a seat in a pub and colours of the light make me look different, i am dragged by my friends to dance and i dont. we all go to the beach and suddenlymy phone rings from an unknown number. I shout a lot but the person on the other side's voice is never audible. i shout even more. I have a jerk. I see myself on the bed with sweat on my face and get up and in an instant the feeling of the so called dream grips me and then again, in not less than ten min, the dream becomes sort of faint that i cant explain to anybody verbally. I then sit down and start to do my work.
Perhaps anything which i cant remember, cant be taken seriously and therefore i need lot more than utter encouragement and more than scientific proof and implications. Therefore wasting no more of my time i start to switch on the computer and see the torrent's progress and then do the rest of the day's work.
Around eleven or so i go out and then i feel the scorch of the sun and then start to walk at the edge of our road. I get a call that, i start play early today and then i start towards the ground, i remember that my frnds wants a dvd of movies i dwded recently and then again go back home and board the bus and then since there is nothing more than some 20 30 rupees for bus charge and the dvd, i drop the dvd more than five days and everybody glares at me. i get down and then go to the ground walking. I see that i have to reach out to the shuttle cock much more than required as the shuttle cock is seeming more than heavier today and i sweat for small shots also. Other friend comes and tells that he needs the dvd, i am puzzled and says i have to give it to other fellow. Small runnin around the ground and i get the dvd back..all say lets go to hotel, i dont have enoug money with me, i am dragged and then i come home back and then i sit in front of the computer and mom asks me whether i have finished some work or no. i cant listen properly. i moan then i shout.Suddenly i get a feel of deja-vu that somethin on the similar lines has happened me and if at all there were any thing like quantification or verbalization of experience or any feeling, i would have felt something similar. I see myself writing this blog now.

Perhaps a matrix call, the freudo ring from LOTR, the goa trip i've had, many incidents scrambled makes this dream like somewhat figuratively real. Anything that happens to us, good or bad gives us two options. Is it coincidence or providence. Depends on how brave we are, how timid we are, the answer answers us. Like Professor John Koestler says," Intelligent people find providence, the others find coincidence".

Long long ago, so long ago
When the Ego was not having the ego,
Present a vault that was beyond all riches
Wanted by all, wizards and the witches.
Too many clues, too many maps.
Would lead you to the goal or deadly traps
The more complex they made it, the same it looked.
Saw a person about this on the poster which was hooked.
Emptiness filled in him, little saw the glow glow
Moved did he towards the vault steady and slow
Closed his eyes did he, nothing did he expect
Simplicity he did reflect
Felt he elated when the vault was open,
The treasure was visible to him alone and not the other men
Said he to the other with pity
"I am the one to declare it empty" :-)